Stephen the dog

2010-04-11T08:04:00.003-05:00

I have moved!!!! No I still live in Barkington DE but I have moved my odd to www.stephenthedog.com

You should be redirected in about 6 seconds or you can click on the link below

www.stephenthedog.com

Hope to see you there.

HFCS Challenge an interview with my A

2010-03-03T13:40:00.003-05:00

Today I had an opportunity to sit down with my A and discuss how the HFCS challenge was going.

STD: what made you decide to give up HFCS for a week?

A: I feel that we are losing touch with what we are eating and I wanted to do something that would force me to think more about what I was eating

STD: Why HFCS

A: High fructose corn syrup is easy to identify since is a lot of words, it is also everywhere and most people don’t realize how prevalent it is in our diets. To me it is a symbol of what is wrong with our food chain.
I wanted to choose something people could relate to and something that was achievable. You can’t really just give up all processed foods or corn based products easily but anyone can do this if they try

STD: Do you think others will follow you?

A: Actually there are at least 4 other people who are undertaking the HFCS this week. I plan on making it into an annual things, hopefully more and more people will participate. I eventually hope to have t-shirts, all good events have t-shirts

STD: We were supposed to do this interview on Monday what is the deal?

A: Stephen did you get to day care on time today? Yes you did I drove both you and the swaddlepotimous to daycare. I always remember to feed you and I even let you in or out every single time you ask. I seems to recall letting you out at 3:30 this morning so please forgive me if your blog, sorry I mean odd is not at the top of my priority list in case you have not noticed I have been a little bit lately.

STD: I guess I touched a never with that one, are you experiencing HFCS withdrawal?
you do realize I am something of an internet celebrity?

A: I am sure you are

STD: What has been the hardest thing about the giving up HFCS so far?

A: I am finding it difficult not to slip up it is so easy to say well it really does not matter I can just eat that, but in doing so I would be letting down America. We really need more transparency in what we eat and if I fail we all fail. If you want to enact change you need to be able to do it at the personal level first.

STD: Are there any products that contain HFCS that surprised you?

A: quite a few actually, a lot of yogurts do as do most loaves bread and hamburger rolls even the bread I thought was healthy has HFCS. Some deli meats use HFCS, you really have to be careful. I am sure I will find more products as I get hungrier.

STD: Do you think you will make it the whole week without ingesting HFCS

A: Yes I do really this is a very doable thing and I would like to see more people try it. I have the further motivation of not wanting to lose to Steve Walker. I would eat rocks for a week to beat that guy.

STD: Well it sounds like you are on the right track. Please keep us posted.

Home Depot Letter

2010-02-25T15:52:00.002-05:00

Stephen TheDog
7 Woofington Ln
Barkington, DE 34204

Frank Blake
Chairman and CEO
Home Depot Inc.
2455 Paces Ferry Road NW
Atlanta, GA 30339

Mr Blake;

First let me take a minute to introduce myself, my name is Stephen and I am a dog. Yup a dog I walk around on four legs, my lineage is a little bit mixed. You see my mom is a Golden Retriever and my Dad is a black poodle, I know you are thing wow what does that make you Stephen. We some people call me a golden doodle but I prefer to think of myself as a hybrid, I have the refinement to feel at home at West Minster and the street smarts to survive in the big city. As a dog I have some unique challenges and my opinions are often dismissed but let me assure you this does not detour me in anyway, in fact I have been able to achieve many things that people have told me were impossible.

I am not writing to blow my own horn though, I am writing to comment on an experience I had with one of your stores. As with all things in life there are both good and bad sides to this story so lets start with the good. I find it is always best to build a relationship on a positive note and you seem like the kind of man who would appreciate that.

This past July my house was broken into, not my dog house, but my family home where I live with my A and R and now the swaddlepotimous. There was no swaddlepotimous back in July so I am going to leave her out of the rest of this narrative. Anyway as I mentioned my house was broken into, I know what you are thinking “What kind of a dog lets his house get broken into, it is the dogs job to protect the home”. Unfortunately I was at doggie day care that day so the house was unoccupied. Had I been home I am sure I could have prevented the burglary, my R would still have her jewelry and some bad guy would be walking around with a missing arm. Alas I was not at home and the burglars smashed in the basement door.

We have a full walk out basement that my A and R recently finished themselves, in fact they made several trips to home depot for supplies while they were finishing the room. I think it looks very nice and I enjoy lying on the soft carpet down there after a long day of chasing squirrels.

Anyway
So My A picks me up from Daycare, it was a Wednesday I only go to daycare on Wednesdays, and we head home. We come into the house and everything seems normal. Then we go downstairs and the basement door is open and the deadbolt is in pieces. My A seems to think that maybe it was really windy or something, he is not the brightest guy on the planet and a little naïve. Seriously wind is not going to shatter a deadbolt but a sledge hammer sure will. Eventually it dawns on my A that the house has been broken into so now he things well they must not have stolen anything cause the DVD player and TV are still there. Wrong again genius, my R soon discovers her jewelry box has been ransacked a laptop is missing, my A’s watch that was a graduation gift from his parents when he finished at Columbia and a lot of other things are missing. The insurance settlement was over $5000 and that really does not even cover the actual loss.

So we call the police and they show up and take a report. The police leave around 9:15pm. So now we have a smashed in door and need to get it fixed ASAP (this is where home depot comes in) We hope in the car and head over to home Depot in Barkington. Yes even though I am not allowed in your stores I went along for the ride. I like the car and really I don’t want to stay in a house all by myself that has just been broken into, I am brave but not that brave.

We get to home depot and we head over to the doors section. Pete from hardware comes and helps us pick out some deadbolts while we wait for Pete in doors. Both Petes very helpful and knowledgeable, they even waited while we called our friend Rob to measure the old door to see what size we needed. It took until after 10pm for Pete and Pete to get us all setup with everything we needed to replace the door. There was never even a mention of us having to leave as the store closed at 10, they stayed focused and made sure we got all of the necessary stuff and even grabbed someone to ring us up since it was now 15 min after closing time. Pete from hardware and Pete in door are employees you can be proud of. They really helped out.

Unfortunately as I mentioned there is a good and bad side to every story. After we got home my A and his friend Rob installed the door. They had to remove the old door frame and install the new frame since the robbers had shattered the old door frame. Rob is a professional electrician and carpenter so his help was indispensible especially since it was about 2am by the time they had the door installed and the house secured. You don’t find may friends who are willing to stay up all night to help install a door in the rain. (yes to add insult to injury it was raining that night)

Once the door was installed it was discovered that the actual door was warped. This was a steel covered door that came pre-hung in a frame. The top portion of the door is bent in about 3/8 of an inch. Unfortunately the door came shrink wrapped so there way no way to tell ahead of time and it would be a huge pain to pull the door out after installing it.
The door does work but it does not close properly and you can see daylight through the top of the door. My A has tried to add weather stripping but this only sort of works. He is pretty annoyed about it really, I know because he grumbles every time he lets me out the basement door and I like to go outside a lot. Sometimes I ask to go in and out just for the attention.

Obviously Home Depot did not intentionally sell us a warped door but it did happen. My A is too nice of a guy to cause a ruckus or say anything about it but I really feel that Home Depot at least owes him an apology. You company came so close to providing a great experience, my A still talks about how great Pete and Pete were but as time goes by I hear less about Pete and Pete and more about the damn door. I was wondering if you could provide my A with an apology for selling him a warped door, I would really appreciate it and I think it would go a long way towards keeping him as a home depot customer.

I know my A has a few upcoming projects, he still need to build me a dog house and after pricing security systems he is talking about building a moat around the house. His theory is, if you are looking for a house to break into you probably keeping going past the house with the moat. I tend to agree if someone is crazy enough to build a moat do you really want to find out what other surprises they might have?

Sincerely

Stephen the Dog

P.S. Would it be possible to get an autographed photo?

HFCS (high Fructose Corn Syrup) Challenge

2010-02-12T15:59:00.003-05:00

HFCS challenge.

Some of you are probably not aware of this but over the last 50 years the food Americans eat has changed dramatically. In fact most of what we eat today is manufactured using corn. Why Corn? Corn is cheap, in fact Corn can be bought for less than it costs to grow thanks to government intervention. In fact corn is the most heavily subsidized and prolific U.S. crop. We are not talking about you father’s Maize here either. We are talking about genitically engineered Dent Corn which is used to make literally thousands of products for fuel to plastic cups to disposable diapers to the corn flakes you are this morning.

Personally I don’t really have much interest in this subject I eat Wellness dog food which is a very nutritious brand that guarantees it never used any corn products. Thus I don’t really have to worry about eating processed corn which is probably not really good for us.

Recently there has been a surge in information regarding nutrition. Michael Pollan’s book Omnivores Dilemma is a very enlightening read as is the movie “Food Inc” for those of you who don’t feel like reading.

The real problem is that the Govt and big buisness is not helping us eat health in fact they are actually teaming up to make it harder for us to eat healthy. They don’t care, it is all about profit, which in a capitalist society some might argue is a valid stance to take.

Why am I writing about this when certainly there are far better written and edited sources to enlighten you about corn and I urge you to check out some of those sources.
Some of those sources probably even use the words you and your correctly where I never seem to be able to get it right. I view a part of my job as a dog to look out for humans and to help enact social change on a micro scale.

In light of all this information I have set a challenge for my A. Starting on March 1 my A will attempt to go an entire week without eating any product that contains High Fructose Corn Syrup. We have chosen HFCS because it is symbolic of all that is wrong with highly processed food and it also is a big word so easy to identify on labels.

During the HFCS challenge my A will be updating here with how he is doing and what he is eating. Ideally we would like to get others to join in this challenge. The goal is to bring awareness to the issues facing the American diet. This is not some crusade to eat all organic but we simply want to help people think about what they are eating. Too much of what is really in our food is covered up by slick packaging and marketing campaigns. Before we can make informed decisions we need to understand on a personal level what we are eating. Only then can we begin to take back our plates.

During the HFCS challenge I will also be sending letters to various food producers about the experience. If you would like to be a part of the HFCS challenge please send and email to stephenthedog@gmail.com or comment on this post.

In the spirit of full disclosure I also need to point out that Steve Runner http://www.steverunner.com/ has bet my A $10 that he can not go a week without ingesting HFCS.

Most Depressing day of the year?

2010-01-31T16:45:00.003-05:00

Stephen The Dog

7 Woofington Ln

Barkington DE 03257

Loren and Wally

WROR 105.7FM

55 Morrissey Blvd.

Boston, MA 02125-3315

Dear Sirs,

My name is Stephen I am a 4 year old golden retriever poodle cross. My mom was a golden retriever and my dad was a black poodle. Most people refer to me as a Goldendoodle but that term does not really inspire fear so I tend to avoid using it at all cost.

When I was 10 weeks old I went to live with my A and my R these are the people who feed me and take care of me. They are pretty nice most of the time but lately I have been getting a lot less attention since the swaddlepotimous moved in about 3 months ago. I have been writing letters to zoos and animal rescue leagues to try and find a home for the swaddlepotimous but unfortunately it is still living in my room. Perhaps one of your listeners might be able to provide a home. Sorry for the tangent it would be great if you could help find a home for the swaddlepotimous but that is not the reason for my writing you.

Anyway I am sure you are wondering why a dog is writing you. Well I do listen to your show not everyday but when I am on my way to daycare in the morning my A and I listen to you guys. Your show makes the ride go a lot quicker. One Monday Jan 25^th you mentioned it was the “Most depressing day of the year”. I did not hear this particular show but I read the quote on my friend Drew’s blog. www.benspark.com. It is an interesting blog and you learn a lot about Drew and his family. I like to add comments to Drew’s blog but he has this weird compulsion that requires him to respond to every comment no matter how inane.

I asked Drew why Monday was the most depressing day and he was not sure but said I should ask you guys. I just don’t understand is this a global thing or a national thing? Personally I had a pretty good day on Monday so I am very confused. How can we know when the most depressing day of the year is going to be? It is only January we still have over 90% of the year to go what if something really depressing happens in July?

I am really curious how you guys came up with the 25^th as the most depressing day. There were no mud slides or Earth quakes on the 25^th. The weather was actually pretty nice, everyone I know was healthy and I got to take a walk with my A at lunch, so what made it depressing? My day was not really depressing at all, nothing like Jan 12^th. I just don’t understand how you can make such a blanket about the collective consciousness of the human race. Perhaps there is more research into depression going on at WROR than I am aware of.

I would really appreciate it if you could share some more information regarding the most depressing day of the year with me. I would be happy to share the result or some of my weather experiments in return. I have been trying to create an indoor thunderstorm by filling my A’s bathroom with warm steam and then opening the door into the master bedroom which I have cooled to 20 degrees by opening all the windows.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Stephen.

www.stephenthedog.com

P.S. would it be possible to get an autographed photo?

Holiday Cards

2009-12-21T14:30:00.002-05:00

Well it is that time of year again time. It is a very exciting and stressful time what with everything that is going on. Why do we insist on making it so hard? I am not going to talk about political correctness today. My right to wish you a Merry Christmas or a Happy Kwanza I will cover at a later date.

Today I want to talk about Holiday cards. A lot of us send them and almost all of us get them. At my house I usually try to get to the mailbox early and get all the cards. This is not because I am excited to get the cards but because my R is very sensitive about how they are addressed. My A and R are married but my R did not take my A’s last name. This causes issues since my R is not Mrs. TheDog but something else. It really drives her nuts when people address stuff to Mr and Mrs TheDog or even worse Mr and Mrs Stephen’s A The Dog. This forces my A and I to try and get the mail first and remove all the offending envelopes before my R sees them.

Personally I don’t know why she really cares so much. From my point of view it must be nice to get cards. I don’t really get any almost, no one remembers to address cards to me. Even the darn swaddlepotimous gets her name on card but do people remember the dog? No they don’t the best I get is cards addressed to “TheDog Family” come on I have a name how hard is it to write seven more letters when you are addressing the card. Is seven letter to much for you? Are you getting carpal tunnel? come on seven letters to make the dog happy is it really so hard?

Letter to Henry Doorly Zoo

2009-10-28T13:28:00.001-05:00

Stephen The Dog

7 Woofington Ln

Barktington DE 03257

Zookeeper

Omaha's Henry Doorly Zoo®

3701 S 10th Street

Omaha, NE 68107

Dear Zookeeper,

My name is Stephen I am a 4 year old golden retriever poodle cross. I live with my A and R in Barkington DE those are the people who feed and take care of me. I could probably live on my own but I am lazy and if someone is willing to take care of you then you might as well go with it right? You can’t beat having your own couch and 2 bowls of kibble a day.

I am sure you are wondering why you are getting a letter from a dog. I am writing for some advice. As you are well aware the Henry Doorly Zoo is one of the top zoos in the country (you must be very proud) so I figured if anyone can help me you it would be the fine folks at the Henry Doorly zoo.

Recently my A and R went away for 4 days, unfortunately they left in a hurry and did not tell me where they were going so I was very worried. My neighbors did come over and take care of so I was pretty sure that someone had talked to my A, fortunately they finally came home on Saturday because I was getting really close to calling the milk people to see about getting my A on the back of a carton.

This is the part where I need your help. It seems that my A and R went off on some kind of safari and came back with an exotic creature. I am pretty sure it is a swaddlepotimous. Basically it eats and sleeps and poops and screams. I have not really gotten a good look at it but is seems to sleep in 3 hour shifts and then scream for a while. I am pretty sure it is bald and it smells kinda funny. It is also pretty small and seems to like to be carried around. My A is currently keeping it in this big white cage in my new room. I can’t wait to get my room back.

I am wondering what the proper care and feeding is for a swaddlepotimous. I want to make sure the swaddlepotious is happy and well cared for. I would really like find a way to help the swaddlepotimous cut down on the amount of screaming. The screaming is just driving me nuts. I will be asleep on the couch and all of a sudden in the middle of the night my A shows up with a screaming swaddlepotimous and sits down next to me. It is nice to see my A but the screaming is a little bit unnerving.

I am also wondering if your zoo would be interested in a swaddlepotimous. I don’t believe my A is licensed to have a swaddlepotimous and I think the Henry Doorly Zoo would be a great place for this creature. I believe you could provide an environment where the swaddlepotimous would be able to thrive. I am not looking for any compensation the swaddlepotimous would be a gift I only ask that you give it a good home. I think this would be a great addition to your collection.

Thanks you for you time and I look forward to hearing from you.

Stephen

P.S. would it be possible to get an autographed photo, maybe of one of the penguins or a lion? I am enclosing a dollar to cover return postage. If you can not provide an autographed photo please apply my dollar toward the purchase of a cup of sardines for the penguins.

Swaddlepotimous

2009-10-25T09:50:00.002-05:00

My A has returned. He came home on Saturday after a 4-day absence. Originally I though he might have been out of town at an Ultimate Pillow fighting league (UPLF) event but this does not seem to be the case as I was able to account for all of our pillows while he was gone.

When I asked my A where he was he just kind of mumbled incoherently. It has taken me a while but I have been able to piece it together. Apparently my A went out on Safari. I know this because when he came home is clothes were all messy and smelled funny. He also managed to catch something while he was on Safari.

My A has caught a swaddlepotimous. From what I can tell this is a rare creature that screams at all hours of that day smells funny and is living in the cage in my new room. I don’t really know why we need a swaddlepotimous but at least they don’t seem to be dangerous. I just wish the thing would be quiet.

I am sure my A is just holding the swaddlepotimous for a zoo or something; I can’t wait till it is out of my room. I am all for sharing and helping out the family but I would like to get on with having my own room. Sharing with the swaddlepotimous is a little rough since it does not really sleep and kind of smells.

I wonder which zoo the swaddlepotimous will end up at. Once I find out I will let you all know so that you can go and visit it. I think I may need to contact a few zoos and make sure this process is moving forward. If I don’t see any progress by next week I will start writing zoos.

That stupid swaddlepotimous is screaming again so I am going to go hang out outside for a while. Before I head out I would like to thank C and L for taking such great care of me while my A was out on Safari. Thanks guys.

Have you seen my A?

2009-10-16T19:30:00.001-05:00

I am starting to get a little worried. My A and R left on Wed around 8am and have not been back since. I don't know where they are. Fortunately for me L and C from across the street have been feeding me and letting me out. They are doing a super duper job but I really do wonder where my A and R have gone.

I did see my R's parents on Wed night they came by and slept over but my A and R where no where to be found. I called the Milk Company but they said I should wait a little longer before putting my A on a milk bottle. They seems to think he will turn up.

I am not really sure I want to trust a dairy farmer though. These are they same guys who jack cows up on hormones to make more milk that does not seem right. Although Chocolate milk does rock. Hang on one sec let me go check the door to see if they are home. Nope!

Orange growers not those guys you can trust but they don't put pictures on orange juice cartons. Do not enough people drink OJ or did the milk guys patent the picture on the back of the carton thing?

Hang on one sec let me go check the door to see if they are home. Nope!

It is getting late and it is dark out. I guess I should just go to bed. Tomorrow if they are not home I am going to start making some calls. The weird thing is I though my A was pretty well liked in my neighborhood but no one seems to be the least bit concerned he is missing. I guess everyone was just pretending to like him. I can understand that or perhaps they just like me that seems much more likely since my A never goes anywhere in the neighborhood without me.

Sorry there is no picture on this post. My A took the camera with him when he disappeared.

Finally getting my own room

2009-10-09T13:33:00.002-05:00

As all of you know I have been working hard since the beginning of the year day trading. Recently I put my trading on hold and have been concentrating on being nice to my A and R. Really I made enough money to keep a dog happy for a very long time so I have been focusing on my family.

I think my A has recognized my efforts because it looks like I am getting my own room. As you recall a while back I thought I was getting a dog house but it turned out my A was building a house for the lawnmover. Man I hate that guy every time he comes out of his house I make sure to bark at him for taking my house. Why does some loud smelly guy who only comes out once a week get his own house while me the cute loveable dog has to share a room? Anyway I am now getting my own room in the house which is way better than an unheated outside house so there you stupid lawnmower, hope you enjoy the winter.

A few weeks ago my A took the bed out of our guest room and moved it to the office. At first I wondered why he was doing this but it all started to come together when I saw the new carpet. He got a really soft purple carpet (I am told it is purple but it looks gray to me) which is great for lying on and matches my dog bed perfectly. My A has really done a great job with the room, I have an awesome framed photo of the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse on the wall to remind me off the good times I have had there and let me look forward to more fun on the beach in Hatteras. I have my own rocking chair and he even got me a huge white dresser to put all my toys in. There are so many draws that I should be able to get all my toys organized.

I am thinking of using a draw for balls, one for squeaky toys, one for bones and a whole draw for my sock collection. Yup I collect socks but that is a story for another time. Even with all these categories I will still have some extra room in my dresser. Which is great, I am looking forward to finding things to fill the drawers. It is so much better to have to grow into your space then to have to downsize to fit into it.

Really the only thing left to do it to get my dog bed moved into the room. I am so excited. I have really wanted my own room for a while and now it is becoming a reality. Usually I sleep on the couch in the living room or on the floor in my A’s room but it will be nice to have my own space. My A has really though of everything even remembering to include a nightlight in my new space since I am afraid of the dark (Don’t tell anyone).

This is going to be so awesome, The only thing I don’t understand is why there is this weird white cage thing in my new room. I guess my A is just storing it or something, it does not really take up all the much room so I guess I can let him store it in my room for now.

I hope my A lets me move in this weekend. I can’t wait to go shopping for some awesome posters to hang on my walls.

Sorry Papa but I quit

2009-08-25T14:40:00.003-05:00

Stephen The Dog
7 Woofer LN
Barkington DE 10543

Aug 25.2009

Papa Gino's, Inc.

Dear Papa;

My name is Stephen I am a 4 year old Golden retriever poodle cross. That is right I am a dog. I usually like to get that out of the way right off the bat. I am sure you are wondering why I am writing since you don’t even allow dogs in your stores. I know it is a health code thing and there is not much you can do about it so I am not going to fault you for that.

I would like to start of by saying that you make a fine pizza pie. My A thinks your pizza is the best and I will have to admit it is very good, every once and a while I get slipped a piece and it is awesome, I always want more. I really love your blend of cheeses. I think that is what make’s Papa Gino’s pizza special you don’t get that special blend of cheese anywhere else.

Unfortunately I have some sad news. It is with a heavy heart that I must tell you my A and I will no longer be Papa Gino’s customers. Now this has absolutely nothing to do with your pizza but unfortunately have everything to do with the service in your stores.

You see I am a dog and in case you have not had a chance to notice, I am sure you are very busy being a pizza magnate, it is hot outside. Do you know why they call them the dog days of August? Well it is because it gets so hot that if you leave a dog in a car for too long even with the windows opened the heat can fry the dog’s brain. We can't sweat you know. Let me tell you, when you are a dog you want to avoid getting you brain fried at all costs.

Recently I had some issues with mice, that is right mice tried to kill me by blocking up the air conditioning vents on my A’s truck. I think I may have forgotten to tell you that my A is the guy who feeds me and takes care or me, he also owns the truck I ride around in. Anyway I am sure you had nothing to do with the mouse plot.

The reason I am quitting Papa Gino’s is due to an incident on Aug 2. My A ordered a pizza online, (FYI online ordering is super cool) and we were told we could pick it up in 25mins. Well since we know Papa Gino’s is always slow we waited 40min and got in the truck. When we arrived at Papa Gino’s and my A went in to get the pizza and I waited in the truck, as you know health codes prevent me from going into your stores.

About 5 min after he went in my A comes out without the pizza starts the truck, turns on the AC and locks me in. It appears the pizza was not ready even though we allowed 40min which is longer than 25min last time I checked. To add insult to injury my A was asked to pay for the order after it had already been paid online. This was quickly resolved but what would have happened if my R had ordered the pizza and not told my A she already paid for it? The woman who asked my A to pay for the pizza 15 min later if he was all set. “Umm no I am not all set I am still waiting for the same large cheese pizza I asked for 15 min ago don’t you remember me I am the guy you tried to double charge for a pizza?”

Really come on she can’t even remember that he is waiting on a pizza. It is not like my A blends into the crowd. He is quite distinctive. Well 25 mins later the pizza was done and some girl came by and threw it on the counter and walked away. My A waited and calmly asked if he could get the salad he has also ordered which had been sitting on the counter for probably and hour at this point.

Papa I know you are a busy man but I am a busy dog and sitting in a hot car is not something I enjoy doing. Aside from the potential brain frying it is also just plain boring. I believe my A handled the situation with grace and patience. However it should not take an hour to make a cheese pizza and I certainly should not have to sit in a hot care for 30min while the pizza we were told would be ready 10 mins ago is made.

This is just the most recent example. I realize I am a little on edge ever since the mice tried to bump me off but I just can not handle this anymore. It is a sad day but I am going to have to move on. If it makes you feel any better it’s not you it’s me. I wish you continued success in the pizza business and assure you that there are no hard feelings. While I will miss your delicious pizza pies my A and I simply can no longer jump through the hoops required to obtain them.

Stephen

P.S. would it be possible to get an autographed photo to help me remember the good times.

My A joins the UPFL

2009-08-20T12:59:00.002-05:00

As you all know it has been hot here in Barkington lately. The worst thing about the hot weather is that my A tends to leave me at home more. I don’t really blame him a lot of places have no dog policies and sitting in the truck has the potential to fry my brain.

The last couple of weeks my A has being coming home feeding me then grabbing some pillows and leaving. At first I thought this was weird. I have no idea why he was doing this, it is way to hot to take a nap in the truck so he must be going somewhere but why all the pillows.

It did not hit me until last night when I really started to think about it. My A takes 3 distinct pillows, a smooshie one, a firm one and a somewhat smaller mid firm one. He also tends to come home looking a little bewildered almost like he has been hit over the head a few times. Once I put it all together it makes complete sense. My A has joined the Ultimate Pillow Fighting League (UPFL). He has the 3 different pillow types, the smooshie for hitting and wrapping around an opponent, the Firm Pillow for those hard blows that finish off and opponent and the mid firm for general all around sparring use.
I am sure the Scoobie Doo pillow case inspires fear in all who see it.

The fact that he comes home slightly bewildered is what finally gave it away. All those blows to the head must be affecting him. It does wear off but it takes him a couple of hours to look normal again.

Personally I am proud of my A, UPFL seems like a great way to get in shape and he definitely needs a hobby that is not trying to get me to play fetch. The only drawback is I am going to have to work harder to make sure I lose more weight than he does so I can win our bet.

I will be sure to let you all know when my A’s first big UPFL bout is. I would be great if you could all come out and support my A. I have a feeling the UPFL venue is not dog friendly, so hopefully some of you can support my A. I know he is going to need the support and unfortunately I will probably not be able to be there.

The Gas Conspiracy Unveiled

2009-08-17T13:10:00.001-05:00

I have been thinking a lot recently. We all know that last year gas was about $4/gallon and oil prices were running around $140/barrel. Thing have relaxed a little bit from that for a variety of reasons that I don’t want to get into but I do want to talk about gasoline today.

For years we have been told gas prices are being manipulated as part of a huge Govt conspiracy. We all know the Bushs made their money in oil and we have all heard about the guy from Iowa who invented the car that ran on water and was killed off to protect the oil economy. It is all so crazy and unbelievable or is it?.

It seems that every time momentum builds towards alternative energy something happens and we go back to oil. FYI if you don’t know it yet ethanol is a very bad idea. Growing corn to turn into fuel is stupid it takes more energy to grow the corn than you get out of it. FYI fertilizer is made from oil, tractors run on oil etc. If you believe in ethanol please send $50

Stephen TheDog
7 Woofington Lane
Barkington DE 10054

I will happily send you back $13.45 which is basically what you are doing when grow crops specifically to make Ethanol. It is just a stupid idea but I guess the corn lobby is pretty strong. You really don’t want to piss off the corn guys.

None of this really interests me.

Lately I have been thinking about gasoline. I sit in the truck while my A gets gas. He usually even gases up my R’s car and usually I get to go. The thing that has me scared is when you go to a gas station you stick the nozzle in your car and some numbers move but do you ever actually see the gasoline? No you do not, you are taking it on faith that gas is going into your car but the only think you really see is that gas gauge go up. What if there is really no gas and it is all a big conspiracy? Think about it for a min. I know a lot of you are very trusting people but please think.

I don’t think it is too much to assume the Govt is in cahoots with the automakers. Seriously the Govt just bailed out the automakers, why because the automakers know the truth and the Govt wanted to keep them quiet. We know the Govt covers things up and does not tell us everything but this is crazy. We are paying for something that in all likelihood we are not actually getting, we just take it on faith. Personally I would rather believe in jesus rising from the dead that accept paying for something I never actually see.

There is a reason money has “In God we trust” written on it. The Govt wants to make sure you are willing to take the leap of faith for god and then tacks on a few other things like this gasoline ridiculousness. I for one no longer am willing to fall for it. I know there is some kind of electrical signal that tells the gas gauge to move and I am going to figure out what it is.

P.S. Don’t even get me started on natural gas. Colorless and odorless how convenient?

Someone tried to kill me!!!!!

2009-08-04T14:12:00.002-05:00

Just when you think it is safe something like this happens. Yesterday there was an attempt made on my life. That is right someone tried to bump off me, Stephen TheDog. I know what you are thinking who would want to hurt that cute dog that writes the funny ODD. Well it is true someone tried to rub out the #1 dog Odder on the planet.

I don’t really understand the motivation behind it, perhaps it is jealousy or perhaps just plain mean spiritedness. I don’t really know, what I do know is that heads are gonna roll. I can not sit idly by and allow someone to make an attempt on my life. I have contacted the local authorities and they ensure me that I am over reacting and that there is nothing they can do.

It is very sad that when you finally have a need to call your local Police Department, they tell you to relax, that you will be fine and they are sorry but they can not help you. Well you know what I am sorry too I don’t think I can pay my dog licensing fees anymore if this is the type of service I am going to get. Their job is to protect and serve, right now I feel neither protected or served.

So here is how it happened. As you know lately the weather has been super hot here in Barkington we have been seeing temperatures in the 90’s. In fact my A and R have been running the AC at night which they almost never do. I think it is mostly because they are cheap but lately it has been hot enough for them to run it all night. I guess when it is 84 in your house it is ok to spend $.45/hr to run the air conditioning.

As you know I spend a lot of time driving around in the truck with my A. We go all kinds of fun places like the lake, or to my A’s parents to swim in the pool or to day care. All of these things require me to sit in the truck which I like. My A is very good about making sure I don’t get too hot. You know that a parked car in the sun can quickly get hot enough to fry a dogs brain. Yes in addition to god not giving me opposable thumbs he also forgot the sweat glands. He was so close to perfection and yet he leaves out these two little items. I guess if I lived in the arctic in an area with no doors it would be less of a big deal but here in Barkington DE opposable thumbs and sweat glands would be a big help.

I recently tried to apply for considerations under the American’s with disabilities act but was rebuffed. Apparently according to the Govt I am not supposed to have opposable thumbs or sweat glands. Lets seem one of those Govt hacks try sitting in a parked car at noon on a hot day with no sweat glands and no opposable thumbs to open the doors. I bet they would not last 10 min. It might explain the TARP program though.

Last wed my A and I were taking a ride. I don’t really remember where we were going but I do remember it was really hot in the car. My A had the AC on but the car just kept getting hotter and hotter. I remember thinking oh no I am gonna fry my brain. My A turned the AC all the way up but it still kept getting hotter. I was panting like crazy. Imagine yourself sitting in a hot car on a sunny day wearing a black fur coat and your only way to cool off being your tongue. Believe me it is not fun. This went on for about 10min with it getting hotter and hotter, I was starting to get dizzy and I could almost hear my brain beginning to sizzle.

Fortunately my A gave up on the AC and opened the windows. I was able to stick my head out and start cooling down. Thank goodness my A was there to roll down the windows or I would have been a gonner. I would have rolled them down myself but the truck has old fashioned window cranks and as I mentioned before I don’t have opposable thumbs.

I assumed the AC in the truck was just broken that is until we went to get it fixed.
My A dropped the truck off to have the AC motor fixed. A couple of hours later the mechanic called back and told my A the problem was the air conditioning ducts were stuffed full of fiberglass insulation thus rendering the AC inoperable. Who would stuff insulation in the duct work of a truck? Hmm after so digging I was able to determine it was mice. Yes MICE filled up the ducts in the truck with insulation rendering the AC inoperable and almost frying my brain.

I can not believe the audacity of those mice. Generally I stick up for the mice but no more. My policy is you make one attempt on my life and I will make darn sure you don’t get another shot. I have found another use for Nut Silo since the squirrels don’t seem to all that interested. (apparently squirrels are very short sighted) Yup that is right mouse silo. Yes I know it is a little sadistic but those guys tried to kill me I am sure a couple weeks in the mouse silo will teach them a lesson.

Am I fat? Dr R and I disagree

2009-07-30T12:35:00.002-05:00

I had to go to the vet the other day. My A got us up early and had me jump into the truck. I love getting into the truck because we usually end up at fun places like daycare or the reservoir for walks and swimming. That was not the case this day we ended up at Dr R’s.

Dr R is a pretty nice lady, I like her and think she does a good job of keeping me healthy. There was one incident where we had a disagreement. A while ago I went to Dr R’s and ended up taking a nap when I woke up there were some things missing. I am sure it was not Dr R who stole my stuff but I know I am never going to fall asleep at the Vets again. You just can’t trust the people there. Let me give you some advice people “Don’t ever fall asleep at the Vets”

At this visit I got an update to my rabies shot, you can never be too careful with the old hydrophobia. I could probably get away without that shot but you never know when you are going to need to beat up a rabid skunk or something. I don’t know what it is about skunks but man those guys get rabid. You definitely don’t want to run into a rabid skunk not only are they crazy and rabid but they smell bad too. It must be tough to be a skunk first of all you stink but on top of that you have to worry about potentially being rabid.

I also got my Kennel cough vaccine and some other random things while I was there. The shocking thing was when I got on the scale is read 87.6lbs. I though this was pretty good but not Dr R. . Apparently Dr. R does not agree she wants me to lose at least 8 lbs and get down under 80lbs. Obviously I expressed my displeasure at this I am not fat I am just big boned and very muscular. Seriously I chew Joey’s face off at least 3 times a week. Now I know I spent a lot of time eating cheese doodles and day trading over the last 6 months but I think I am still in pretty good shape. I also made $60K, I doubt Dr R turned $300 into $60,000 over the last 6 months so who is she to call me fat. Sure she spent year going to veterinary school but I doubt they even had Golden retriever poodle crosses when she was in school. As everyone knows Golden retriever poodle cross are big boned and very muscular so we weight a lot.

Unfortunately it looks like I am going on a diet I just could not win the arguement. My A is cutting back my food a little bit and I have to walk more. I did challenge my A to see who can lose more weight. If I have to lose some weight then that guy definitely needs to lose some weight he weighs 222lbs right now. He is going to have to lose 140lbs to get under 80lbs. Basically we are going to see who can lose the most weight by total percentage in the next 69 days. If I win my A has to host a picnic for me and my pals at the reservoir one weekend and has to coordinate another SB^3 for me. If my A wins I have to agree to play fetch with him. I better win because there is no way I am playing fetch.

Why did you send me a picture of your sink?

2009-07-14T15:36:00.002-05:00

My R got and email the other day from our town collector asking why she had sent a picture of our sink along with the water bill. This confused my R and she ended up asking my A and I what was going on.

Well you see my A and I pay some of the bills and yes we were responsible for the water bill. The town collector failed to mention that the sink was full of water and the water was running. A far better question would have been “Why did you send in a picture of water with your water bill?” to which the reply would have been “so that you would know what I was paying for”. Barkington has had somes issues lately with payments being applied to the wrong accounts. Most recently we had problems with our excise tax payments being applied to our water bill. I love water but I really don’t think my A wanted to prepay $500 in water I think he would have preferred to pay his $500 excise tax and not to have gotten a letter from the sheriff threaten coming to beat it out of him. I bet $500 would really hurt. I am obviously paraphrasing the letter we got but if you have ever gotten that letter you know it is a little intimidating.

Speaking of excise tax what is the deal there. You pay tax when you buy a car, when you register a car, when you buy gas, you are taxed on the money you make, and the money you spend. Who is the genius who came up with the idea of taxing you for owning something. It is so ridiculous I don’t believe you should be taxed for owning something.

I think I am going to start to tax people for looking at me. Anyway back to the water. The picture we sent showed brown water. Barkington had an issue with brown water a while back and the picture was our way of saying we will pay for water but don’t you think it is kind of unacceptable to charge us for brown water. I would assume brown water would at least be discounted. Apparently that was totally missed and since my R is on one of the town boards we chose not to pursue it further. My R does not like us rocking the boat too much.

One good thing to come out of this is that my A and I have come up with a new system of paying bills. If you though online bill payment was great you should try our new system. It is really easy basically when you pay a bill you just include a photo of what you are paying for yes this requires you to send actual letters and costs a little bit more but it is so much more fun. My A has been getting all kinds of phone calls and emails about it. The exterminator called to ask why we sent a picture of a pile of dead ants. Toyota motor credit emailed to say nice truck. The electric company called to ask why we sent a picture of a street light. Basically we are finding that the people whose job it is to open bill love to get pictures. I think it makes their day, come on how boring is it to open check after check but to get a check and a picture of a dog pumping gas now that will make your day especially if I am that dog pumping gas. Linda at Exxon credit thinks I am cute. I am really glad we have private septic.

I have noticed there are fewer bills this month than last. I don’t know why but my R also seems to try and beat us to the mailbox I wonder if she is expecting a card or something.

Dog Shampoo

2009-07-14T14:49:00.001-05:00

Does your dog stink? Personally I don’t stink but some of my friends do. Being a dog it is often hard to stay clean and fresh. We spend so much of our time running around and getting dirty and we don’t take baths daily. Even when we do take baths it is not uncommon to take a bath one day and be back to stinky the next day.

A lot of the dog shampoo’s on the market will leave your stink dry and flakey. Unfortunately a lot of the dog shampoo companies just don’t care about our skin and when was the last time you heard of a person using dog shampoo? They figure dogs are not the ones buying their product so lets just get a product out there that will clean the hair. It is sad but the dog voice is under represented even in the products used for dogs. All the marketing is aimed at people and not dogs. I think this is because dogs are not allowed in most stores so they try and get our people to think these products are great but do they ever ask a dog nope!

Well let me tell you Dogosuds all natural shampoo is awesome. It leaves my hair silky and smooth and I smell springtime fresh for weeks on end. If this is not enough of a reason to love Dogosuds wait there is more. Dogosuds does not dry out my skin and it leaves me with that new dog smell we all love. Everyone loves getting into a new car and sucking in the new car smell, the new dog smell Dogosuds gives me is just as awesome. In fact after I take a bath I can barely take a walk because I keep having to stop and let all the people I meet sniff me. Usually it is the other way around but for the 1st couple of days after my Dogosuds bath people just can not resist that new dog smell.

Dogosuds also repels fleas, can remove skunk smell and much more more. This is a great product take it from me Stephen TheDog try Dogosuds you will not regret it. In fact I believe in this product so much I am currently in negotiations to become an official Dogosuds dog

Dinovite

dog shampoohttp://stephenthedog.blogspot.com/2009/07/dog-shampoo.html

Where have I been ?

2009-07-03T10:51:00.003-05:00

Yes I know it has been a long time since I have written anything here. I have been super busy lately and while that is not excuse I have not really been able to get to writing much here. I will briefly cover a few of the things that have been eating up my time and taking me away from you my beloved readers.

Financial Fridays
This has been eating up a ton of time. I have managed to make a good amount of money and feel that I have done a good job of living up to the challenge set fort by the late Glenn Nowland. I have been able to amass over $74,000 in the last 6 months but it has taken up a lot of my time and I realized I was getting caught up in making money and have been spending less times doing the things that make me great. For this reason I am going to be cutting back on my Financial Friday posts, I will continue to trade and will make occasional updates on the financial front but it will no longer be a weekly feature. This experience has shown me that sometimes you can get too caught up in trying to make money. Besides even though I can’t vote my A has assured me that govt is going to come looking for me to get its fair cut. Really do I want to spend 8hrs a day looking at stock charts so some fat cat buracrat can take 45% of it and spend it on some stupid idea that is not going to work anyway. (see economic stimulus package, TARP, Auto Industry bailout etc)

Pending Lawsuit:
I currently am in the process of suing someone for copyright infringement and slander. While I am prohibited from commenting on this case until it moves forward a bit further it has been taking up a ton of mine time.

Vacation:
I recently had to take some time off due to burn out.

Increased Vigilance:
I have had to step up my patrolling activities to help keep the neighborhood safe.

Let me assure you that I am alive and well and in the next weeks will be making a concerted effort to update more often. Perhaps if I update more Jimmie206 will stop calling me from his grandmothers basement. Jimmie you are 45 don’t you think it is time to stop living like a 3rd world refugee in you grandma’s basement. I know she makes a great sweet potato pie but I am sure would make be willing to make you one weekly if you agree to get the heck out of her house.

Financial Friday GM take a bounce

2009-06-08T10:51:00.002-05:00

I am back I know I missed a couple of week but really I got pretty burned out on this financial stuff and needed a break. Sure it is fun and making money is cool put staring at stock charts 7 hrs a day can make you go batty.

This week we say GM (GMGMQ) file for bankruptcy protection. Wow who would have seen that coming 40 years ago. Kind of a sad day there are a lot of business school case studies that will need to be rewritten or updated. Anyway bankruptcy filing are a great time to make money. The market always overreacts and the stocks bounce. Mind you these are not good long term holds because they will go down probably to zero at some point but they will bounce. My A made a bunch on money of MCI World Comm when they went under.

So on Wed I bought 69,969 shares of GM at $.52 yes it was a big play but take a look at large companies that have gone bankrupt and watch what the stocks do. You can play the bounce if you are careful and that is what I was doing here. Just remember not to get greedy. I got out on Friday at 1.06 when the stock seemed to be slipping.

I was able to clear $37,783 on the trade. Maybe I should take more time off. Hey Chrysler what are you guys gonna do?

Current balance $74,167Disclaimer: I am a dog. I am not responsible for any investment decisions you make. Come on if you are reading a dog’s ODD to get ideas for your portfolio you have issues. I do not recommend using any of the information to make any investment decisions. Basically I am not responsible for your money. Do what you want but I have no responsibility here. Come on I am a dog. I don’t think you can even sue a dog. The information provided on this site is not financial advice and I am not a financial professional. This is a journal that details my investments, strategy, and analysis for personal use. Feel free to read at your own risk

Nabisco response

2009-05-19T16:43:00.003-05:00

I got a 2nd response from Nabisco which is less form letterish

Hi Stephen, Thank you for visiting http://www.nabiscoworld.com/.
I'm glad that you've taken the time to share your suggestion about creating an alternate sized product!
At this time, we haven't had enough consumer demand to justify the production of additional sizes of this product, but, if consumer interest increases, you may one day find this product available in other sizes.
Additionally, it was really nice to hear from you again. I am delighted to hear that you and A are pleased with us/our product. Our goal is to maintain the highest quality products and to create a variety of new products that are enjoyable. It is gratifying to learn that our efforts have been successful. I will pass your comments on to the appropriate parties.Also, I don’t have a picture of the Nutter Butter bandit to send out.If you haven’t done so already, please add our site to your favorites and visit us again soon!
Kim McMillerAssociate Director, Consumer Relations
~~TLXEA_18942094~~N

Nabsico Response

2009-05-15T14:05:00.002-05:00

Nabisco recently responded to my last letter

http://stephenthedog.blogspot.com/2009/03/letter-to-nabisco-2.html

Hi Stephen,
Thank you for visiting http://www.nabiscoworld.com/.
Thanks so much for taking the time to contact us with your suggestion. We're always delighted when people care enough about our products and packaging to offer their own creative ideas.
As you might know, we have a new "unsolicited ideas" policy that allows Kraft to consider some types of ideas (mainly for new products and packaging innovations) submitted by consumers. However, our policy does not cover unsolicited ideas regarding: product line extensions, packaging changes, advertising, promotions and recipes ideas.
So, those types of ideas are not sent along to our new "Innovations Team," who is responsible for analyzing unsolicited ideas under our new policy.
But, we do want you to know that comments shared by our consumers can be very helpful to Kraft. Various Kraft teams do review comments such as yours, which help us identify consumer trends, preferences and needs.
Also, I am delighted to hear that you are pleased with us/our product.Our goal is to maintain the highest quality products and to create a variety of new products that are enjoyable. It is gratifying to learn that our efforts have been successful. I will pass your comments on to the appropriate parties.Kraft is NOT recalling any products in connection with the recent salmonella outbreak involving peanut products manufactured by Peanut Corporation of America’s (PCA), Blakely, GA, facility.
Again, we appreciate you contacting us and applaud both your creativity and loyalty.
It was great hearing from you, and remember we're always updating our site so visit us again soon!
Kim McMillerAssociate Director, Consumer Relations
~~TLXEA_18942091~~N

Financial Friday #20 ABK and Ford in play

2009-05-15T13:38:00.003-05:00

This week I decided to play two different stocks. Putting all my eggs in one basket is a little scary. I do use stop orders to limit my exposure but still sometimes it is good to spread out a little bit.

Last week I bought ABK and this week I shorted it. I love when I came make money buying one week and make money shorting the next week. I shorted 8,000 shares ABK at 1.96 and was able to cover at 1.31 for a $5,200 profit. I also bought 4,000 shares of Ford (F) on wed at 4.83 and just sold them at 5.38 for a $2,200 gain. Thus I was able to make $7,400 this week. Not too shabby for a dog. Now that I have more capital it is actually getting easier since I can weather a few losses.

Current balance $36,381

Disclaimer: I am a dog. I am not responsible for any investment decisions you make. Come on if you are reading a dog’s ODD to get ideas for your portfolio you have issues. I do not recommend using any of the information to make any investment decisions. Basically I am not responsible for your money. Do what you want but I have no responsibility here. Come on I am a dog. I don’t think you can even sue a dog. The information provided on this site is not financial advice and I am not a financial professional. This is a journal that details my investments, strategy, and analysis for personal use. Feel free to read at your own risk

Financial Friday #18 ABK in play

2009-05-11T10:10:00.003-05:00

It has been a busy week. On Tuesday I noticed that ABK seemed to be setting up to follow a channel. It looked really good and since ABK had been holding steady for the last couple of says I felt confident throwing everything I had at it. Besides I am a dog if I lose money I still have 3 squares a day and a nice dog bed. I ended up buying 18698 shares of ABK at $.96 on Wed the stock ran up to the top of the channel and I decided to get out. You have to stick to you fundamentals. Fundamentals protect you from huge losses but sometimes they can hurt you too. I don’t own any BAC at $4 because my fundamentals made me see it BAC is trading around $13.50 currently. That would have been a nice gain but would have violated my rules.

Anyway I sold my ABK on Wed at $1.55 for a pretty decent gain of 61%. Yeah it was a good week not too bad for two days.

Current balance $28,981

Current balance: $17951Disclaimer: I am a dog. I am not responsible for any investment decisions you make. Come on if you are reading a dog’s ODD to get ideas for your portfolio you have issues. I do not recommend using any of the information to make any investment decisions. Basically I am not responsible for your money. Do what you want but I have no responsibility here. Come on I am a dog. I don’t think you can even sue a dog. The information provided on this site is not financial advice and I am not a financial professional. This is a journal that details my investments, strategy, and analysis for personal use. Feel free to read at your own risk

FF 17

2009-05-04T10:37:00.002-05:00

There was really nothing exciting in the market this week. We say Chrysler file for bankruptcy but other outside of that it was kind of a flat week. I really am not sure where things are going. There seems to have been some sort of a turn around and now maybe a good time to get back into some longer term plays. I just don’t know right now if you are looking to ride positions for the next 5-10 years now is probably a good time to pick up some stable companies at a good price. Personally I like Hartford Insurance GRP (HIG) and whirlpool WHR. Both of these stocks will probably get battered some more as the economy bumps along but long term they should be good plays.

This week based on the issue Chrysler was having I bought Ford (F). Ford is in the best position of all the big 3 automakers. I bought Wed 3095 shares at $5.33 and sold on Thursday at 5.81 as it started to retreat. This week I made a profit of $1454

Current balance: $17951Disclaimer: I am a dog. I am not responsible for any investment decisions you make. Come on if you are reading a dog’s ODD to get ideas for your portfolio you have issues. I do not recommend using any of the information to make any investment decisions. Basically I am not responsible for your money. Do what you want but I have no responsibility here. Come on I am a dog. I don’t think you can even sue a dog. The information provided on this site is not financial advice and I am not a financial professional. This is a journal that details my investments, strategy, and analysis for personal use. Feel free to read at your own risk

Financial Friday # 16

2009-04-27T10:14:00.003-05:00

This week we saw a bunch of earnings announcements. As we all know the economy is not doing so well. Monday BAC released its earnings for last quarter. Knowing this was coming I decided to short BAC right after the earnings call. The market tends to over react after earnings are release so I waited to see what the trend was. Once I saw the trend was down I shorted 1400 shares of BAC. Yes this was a huge play and risky. I did know the market was heading down and I watch the market the entire time I was playing BAC. I was ready to get out if BAC went above 10 for some reason. It worked out BAC dropped throughout the day and I was able to close out on Tuesday at $7.51.

I was able to make $3080 on the trade and get out safely. I decided to take the rest of the week off as I wanted to spend sometime outside and dig up some of the bones I buried last year. Not that it is nice the ground is soft and digging is fun again

Current balance: $16497

Disclaimer: I am a dog. I am not responsible for any investment decisions you make. Come on if you are reading a dog’s ODD to get ideas for your portfolio you have issues. I do not recommend using any of the information to make any investment decisions. Basically I am not responsible for your money. Do what you want but I have no responsibility here. Come on I am a dog. I don’t think you can even sue a dog. The information provided on this site is not financial advice and I am not a financial professional. This is a journal that details my investments, strategy, and analysis for personal use. Feel free to read at your own risk

FF # 15

2009-04-17T12:53:00.004-05:00

It was a slow week this week. I really did not get a chance to do much research or even really trade all that much. I basically took a safe play. I bought MBI on Monday at $5.02 and watched it through the week. It did stumble a little bit on Wed but never hit my stop. I sold on out Friday at 5.42

Not really a great week I made a whopping 7% but I the market has been making me nervous lately and any week where don’t lose money is a good week right.

Current balance $13417

Disclaimer: I am a dog. I am not responsible for any investment decisions you make. Come on if you are reading a dog’s ODD to get ideas for you portfolio you have issues. I do not recommend using any of the information to make any investment decisions. Basically I am not responsible for your money. Do what you want but I have no responsibility here. Come on I am a dog. I don’t think you can even sue a dog. The information provided on this site is not financial advice and I am not a financial professional. This is a journal that details my investments, strategy, and analysis for personal use. Feel free to read at your own risk

FF # 14

2009-04-10T13:36:00.004-05:00

Wow crazy week in the market. It is really not behaving the way I want it to. That being said I made a conservative play and bought Ford (F). Ford is the strongest US automaker and has entered into a bearish trend. I bought 1500 shares at 3.35 on Monday. I also bought some Hartford Insurance Group on Tuesday at 8.80. I bought 570 shares.

As you know Well Fargo announced a 3 billion dollar profit which pushed up bank stock and the market as a whole so I did pretty well this week. I sold all my positions on Thursday getting out of for at $4.20 and out of HIG at $10.75

Current balance $12427

Disclaimer: I am a dog. I am not responsible for any investment decisions you make. Come on if you are reading a dog’s ODD to get ideas for you portfolio you have issues. I do not recommend using any of the information to make any investment decisions. Basically I am not responsible for your money. Do what you want but I have no responsibility here. Come on I am a dog. I don’t think you can even sue a dog. The information provided on this site is not financial advice and I am not a financial professional. This is a journal that details my investments, strategy, and analysis for personal use. Feel free to read at your own risk

Financial Friday #13

2009-04-03T14:16:00.002-05:00

Financial Friday #13

The drop I was predicting came on Monday. I got in early and shorted BAC at the opening. I shorted 500 shares at $6.60 I decided to cover my short right before the closing bell on Monday. It kind of scares me to hold a short position overnight if I don’t have to. I was able to cover at $6.05 and sleep soundly after making $275 for Monday

Current balance $5025

On Tuesday I was looking around for something to invest in and stumbled upon ZLC. Zale Corp sells jewelry and as we all know nothing is market up more than jewelry. I saw a little bit of a bump on Tuesday and ZLC has been climbing a little in the past it looked due for a break out and it was really cheap. I bought 2450 shares at $2.04 knowing the odds of it going down were slim. We had solid support at $2 and the market was moving up. Cheap stocks move big as the market moved. I closed out at $4.10

>

I am super excited in two trades this week I was able to double my money. I am sure somewhere Glenn Noland is looking down and smiling.

Current balance $10,070

Disclaimer: I am a dog. I am not responsible for any investment decisions you make. Come on if you are reading a dog’s ODD to get ideas for you portfolio you have issues. I do not recommend using any of the information to make any investment decisions. Basically I am not responsible for your money. Do what you want but I have no responsibility here. Come on I am a dog. I don’t think you can even sue a dog. The information provided on this site is not financial advice and I am not a financial professional. This is a journal that details my investments, strategy, and analysis for personal use. Feel free to read at your own risk

American Airlines Responds

2009-03-31T12:53:00.004-05:00

They actually got back to me a lot sooner but I had to get the letter scanned in and converted to text.

If you forgot my original letter to them can be found here

http://stephenthedog.blogspot.com/2009/01/carmen-alvarez-saves-christmas.html

February 4, 2009

EXECUTIVE OFFICE
Mr. Stephen The Dog
7 woofer Lane
Barkington DE 20023

Dear Mr. Dog:

Thank you for contacting American Airlines Customer Relations. While I've never responded to a dog before, I am pleased to do so.

There are two important reasons why we have strict rules requiring that dogs be kept
in kennels while flying in the cabin -- for the well-being of the pet and the comfort of
all of our customers. The pet must be able to stand up while inside the kennel --
something especially important on a long flight, Please don't take this next part
personally -- not all traveling pets are as civilized as you. The kennels also help
reduce odor, noise, allergic reactions or potential danger to our customers from
these pets.

The U.S. Department of Transportation has ruled that airlines must allow emotional
support animals to travel in the cabin; these animals may ride on the customer's lap.

Some humans with allergies object to traveling when pets are present in the cabin.
Believe it or not, our regulations for pets carried aboard the aircraft are aimed at
reducing any discomfort on the part of our other customers. When traveling within
the 48 contiguous United States, we allow seven kennels per flight, two in the First
Class cabin and a total of five in the Main Cabin and Business Class combined. The pet must travel in a kennel that fits underneath the seat in front of the accompanying passenger. We require that the animal stay in the kennel (there are exceptions) in
order to reduce odor, noise, allergic reactions and unpleasant "accidents."
Additionally, the pet must be able to stand up in the kennel, which precludes large
animals from being accommodated. For the most part, no household pets are
allowed in the cabin on long transatlantic or transpacific flights (with the exception of service animals) or on flights to or from Hawaii.
While we appreciate the perspective of some that things would be a lot easier if pets were barred from the passenger cabin, the large number of our customers who want to travel with their animals don't share this view. So, I'm sure you appreciate our reasons for not applying any such ban unilaterally.

Mr. Stephen The Dog
We appreciate your compliments regarding Carmen Alvarez and while we're not able
to comply with your request for an autographed picture, I've forwarded a copy of your
letter to our Manager in San Juan. I'm sure Carmen will be delighted to read your
comments.

Mr. Dog, we hope you can travel with us soon. It would be our privilege to welcome you aboard.

We welcome all customer feedback. The next time you feel something deserves our
attention, please email us via AA.com at www.aa.com/customerrelations. We'll
receive your comments without delay and get back to you as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Carol A. Alexander

Financial Friday #12 No one likes AIG

2009-03-27T13:28:00.002-05:00

Financial Friday # 12

I know I have been saying for the last couple of week that the market is due to drop. This week we saw the market continue upwards but it seems to be losing momentum and I am looking for it to drop next week. I believe we are actually seeing the start of that trend today of course I am a dog so I could be wrong and even if I am wrong I am still cute.

AIG has been in the news all week and with the uproar over bonus I figured it was a good time to go short on AIG. Really when you make the news about govt involvement and executive bonuses it is never good.

Monday around market open I shorted 2300 shares of AIG at $1.50 Because this was a big move I used a stop to protect myself should bad things happen. I was able to cover my short at $.95 this morning this making $1265. I really don’t love shorting stocks but AIG seemed safe really you get most of America pissed off at you and you stock price is bound to go down.

If the market heads down next week like I am anticipating I think a BAC might be a good play but we will have to wait and see. Sometimes the market does not do what you think it will not matter how much time and effort you put into it.

Current balance: $4750

Disclaimer: I am a dog. I am not responsible for any investment decisions you make. Come on if you are reading a dog’s ODD to get ideas for you portfolio you have issues. I do not recommend using any of the information to make any investment decisions. Basically I am not responsible for your money. Do what you want but I have no responsibility here. Come on I am a dog. I don’t think you can even sue a dog. The information provided on this site is not financial advice and I am not a financial professional. This is a journal that details my investments, strategy, and analysis for personal use. Feel free to read at your own risk

Letter to Nabisco #2

2009-03-25T15:39:00.004-05:00

Stephen TheDog
7 Barkington Ln
Woofington DE, 11735

March 25, 2009

Dear Nabisco,

Stephen TheDog here I am not sure if you remember but I have written to you before. I believe I worked with Kim McMiller last time. Is Kim still an Associate Director of Consumer Relations or ADCR if you will? I hope she is doing well.

First of all I would like to commend you for avoiding the whole peanut recall issue. My A and I love our Nutter Butters and we are so glad that they will not make us sick. In fact the only time I have ever seen Nutter Butter make anyone sick is when I watched my A eat a whole bag of them in half and hour. Man he loves those things. I don’t think it is a good idea to eat 50 Nutter Butters in 30 min though. Perhaps you might want to update you packaging to say something like “Nutter Butters guaranteed 100% salmonella free however we recommend you take it slow and don’t eat the whole bag in ½ and hour”

The reason I am writing is that I noticed what I believe to be a trial product in my last bag of nutter butters. I believe I got one of the 1st double nutter butters. As you know this is a cookie with filling followed by another cookie some more filling and finally a cookie top. I support this product as a step in the right direction but I think the double stuff Nutter Butter holds far more promise. As Kim can attest I am a huge advocate of the double stuff nutter butter. I am sure you guys can make it happen. I bet the Nutter Butter team would love to make a Double stuff I am sure that would shut those punk Oreo guys up for a while.

In my spare time between sleeping on the couch and Day trading, unfortunately there are no good jobs for dogs out there, I have been doing some test marketing for the Double Stuff Nutter Butter (DSNB). I have been making my own by the following method. Basically I take a Nutter Butter and peel off the top cookie then I take another one and do the same. Now I have two cookies with filling and two cookies without filling. I take the two cookies with filling and stick them together with the filling side in the middle thus making a DSNB. The plain cookies I have been putting in a box. I am sure you get the concept so I won’t go into it too much.

I have been selling these as Stephen TheDog’s DSNBs (STDDBNBs) and let me tell you people love them. I am even considering creating a multilevel marketing plan to get the STDDSNBs out there to more of the public. The hard part is I can not keep up with demand, which is why I am writing you. I have proven the DSMB concept works, there is demand there, and I can’t meet the demand I am generating so I feel this is a great time for Nabisco to launch the DSNB.

I know this is my idea but I want nothing in return for it other than the satisfaction or knowing people can buy DSNBs. It really is that simple I just want this great product in the market place.

Please let me know if there is anymore I can do to bring the DSNB to market. Also I have a bunch of boxes of plain nutter butter tops any ideas on what I should do with them? I would be willing to Donate them back to Nabisco to use on the DSNB line.

Thanks

Stephen TheDog
Chairman
Committee to Lobby for Double Stuff Nutter Butters

P.S. would it be possible to get an autographed photo of the Nutter Butter Bandit?

Goodbye Paul and Thanks

2009-03-23T15:33:00.002-05:00

Last week was a tough week for my A. My A works in an office and no matter how many letters I write they just won’t let me go to work with him. I am not really sure what the issue is but I do know I am only allowed there at night.

I have seen some of the overnight guys in the Ops center and I am pretty sure I could at least hold my own. I am getting of the subject here. Well last week on Thursday my A’s fish died. Yup he had a fish at work living in a bowl on his desk. At the end he was really sick and my A did all he could for him but he still died.

It was rough on my A because Paul was there swimming around on his desk everyday for the last 2.5 years. Imagine having to go to work everyday for 2.5 years no matter what. I sort of feel bad for Paul he was stuck in an office all the time. I think my A is way more fun at home than at work. My A did let him sit on the window sill when it was sunny outside and would change his water every week. Really for a Beta fish he has a pretty good life.

It was always nice to know that when my A left to go to work he would at least have Paul there to keep him company. It really allowed me to worry less and focus on other things like Nut Silo, letter writing and day trading.
Paul will be missed.

Since I know you are all wondering. Services for Paul were very private and tasteful. A few words were said and he was laid to rest in the pond across the street from my A’s office where he will join Burt. Please as you are reading this take a brief moment and think of Paul I am sure it will mean a lot to my A.

In order to help fill the void left by Paul I have gotten my A some Triops which he will be hatching soon. This will be covered in more detail later but for today I wanted to focus my thoughts on Paul.

-S-

Financial Friday 11 Riding the marker wave with Ford

2009-03-20T10:59:00.003-05:00

This week was crazy in the market. Yes the market went up but I am not comfortable with it I still think we are going to see another fall before things turn. This week I played it safe I bought Ford (F). Why because Ford makes cars and F is was trading around 2 come on how low can it go. Ford is also the strongest of the big 3 so I figured why not have to put the money somewhere. I bought on Monday right around market open at 2.20 and rode the market upswing till Thursday when I sold at 2.70.

Really I was counting on the limited downside to Ford and that is would follow the market as a whole. Basically it is a cheap stock so it moves a lot percentage wise when the market swings. Really I could have bought almost anything since I really just wanted a cheap stock that would follow the market as a whole. I like Ford though they gave us the assembly line and a whole lot of crappy country songs about trucks.

Anyway I bought 1290 shares at 2.20 and sold them at 2.70 thus making $645 this week on a play that was really just riding the market trend. Be careful I still think we are going to see a drop. Oil prices are climbing which is generally a signal that the market will do something.

Current balance: $3485

Disclaimer: I am a dog. I am not responsible for any investment decisions you make. Come on if you are reading a dog’s ODD to get ideas for you portfolio you have issues. I do not recommend using any of the information to make any investment decisions. Basically I am not responsible for your money. Do what you want but I have no responsibility here. Come on I am a dog. I don’t think you can even sue a dog. The information provided on this site is not financial advice and I am not a financial professional. This is a journal that details my investments, strategy, and analysis for personal use. Feel free to read at your own risk

Financial Friday #10

2009-03-16T09:37:00.003-05:00

This week has been a good one for me. I was able to use the BAC chart to make some good money. Monday BAC was sitting at the bottom of the channel so I bought at $3.22 at market open. This looked really good so I threw my whole $2162 at it. This was risky but it looked perfect so I bought my 675 shares and waited. Sure enough it rode the bottom of the channel for a while and then bounce off hitting the top of the channel at $5.85 on Wednesday. I figure it would bounce off the top so once I saw it start to climb I kept pushing up my stops. I finally had a stop trigger at $5.39. I was able to clear 1479 or 68% in profit on this one trade. This is record for me I am so excited. I realize I took a huge risk but it just looked perfect and I am very happy with how it turned out. The MilkBones are on me this weekend.

Current balance: $2840

Disclaimer: I am a dog. I am not responsible for any investment decisions you make. Come on if you are reading a dog’s ODD to get ideas for you portfolio you have issues. I do not recommend using any of the information to make any investment decisions. Basically I am not responsible for your money. Do what you want but I have no responsibility here. Come on I am a dog. I don’t think you can even sue a dog. The information provided on this site is not financial advice and I am not a financial professional. This is a journal that details my investments, strategy, and analysis for personal use. Feel free to read at your own risk

The Truth about Haircuts

2009-03-11T11:40:00.002-05:00

It has been a while since I have written a non financial post. I have to admit I am enjoying making money there are so few ways a dog can get ahead in this world. I am currently enjoying the stock market rally looks like my Monday play for BAC is going to pay off.

Ok I am not here to talk money today. No I am here to talk about haircuts. Recently I have seen a bunch of people posting about getting their children 1st haircuts. There has been video and still pictures it all seems a little over the top. I am guessing getting you hair cut is way more fun for people than it is for a dog.

Let me tell you about how it is for me.

I get to wake up early and am taken to my favorite store. I am forced to walk past all kind of yummy treats. I always hope I will be given one but my A never lets me. I then go into a back room where my A tells the groomer that he does not care about my hair. He says I am a dog and it will grow back. Obviously this does wonders for my self esteem. Next my A leaves and I am locked in a small metal cage to wait for my turn.

When my turn comes I am lifted into a huge metal sink and washed with a spray hose. My glands are also exercised which I will let you look up on your own. Trust me it is not fun and is quite humiliating. After the bath I am placed back in the cage and two air ducts are attached. The ducts blow air on me, there is no where to hide in the cage so I am stuck being all wet and having air blown at me for like 45min.

Once I am dry I am lifted up onto a table and a leash is placed around my neck and attached to a steel rod over my head. This is designed to keep me from sitting down but has the wonderful side effect of constricting around my throat and making me talk like Mickey Mouse.. For the next hour someone shaves off my hair with a very loud razor. It does not hurt but it is loud and it takes for ever. I am then placed back in the sink and washed again. Then it is back to the cage for some more wind tunnel time.

After all this they throw some powder on me so I smell like a fairy and stick a bandana around my neck. I end up looking like a goof. Finally they call my A and say “Stephen is all set you can come pick him up” You would think my A would come right away but no he makes me sit in that cage for hours till he decides he is good and ready to come pick me up.

Finally my A picks me up, pays and we get out of there. Let me tell you it is not fun. I have been cold the last week what kind of genius decides to shave off their fur coat in February? There is snow on the ground and I barely have a wind breaker. Personally I don’t want to remember my hair cuts. I wonder if little kids ever want to watch the video of their hair cuts. I bet if they had their glands exercised they sure would not. I won’t even get into the nail cutting.

Financial Friday #9

2009-03-06T15:52:00.002-05:00

Crappy week in the Market this week. Pretty much everything took a dive. Currently all the financials seems to be consolidating so there are a bunch of long term buys out there. I like BAC at 3 as a long term buy and hold position. It may drop some more but odds are it is going to rebound in the near future. It could also go to zero but the buy in is low so it is decent gamble.

This week I moved away from financials Ford Motor company was showing a nice consolidation channel. I decided to short. I shorted 1000 shared at $1.92. I was able to get in right at the top of the channel. I stuck a stop behind it for protect but held as it fell out of the channel. The consolidation pattern lead me to believe it would break through the bottom line in the chart. It did and I was able to cover the short at $1.70. Thus I made $220

I am pulling my original $300 out. I have been lucky but I don’t want to risk my original capital so I am moving the $300 to a money market account

Currently balance
Trading 1862
Money Market 300

Total 2162

I promise I will get a non financial post up soon.

I have a response from American Airlines I need to figure out how to scan in.

Disclaimer: I am a dog. I am not responsible for any investment decisions you make. Come on if you are reading a dog’s ODD to get ideas for you portfolio you have issues. I do not recommend using any of the information to make any investment decisions. Basically I am not responsible for your money. Do what you want but I have no responsibility here. Come on I am a dog. I don’t think you can even sue a dog. The information provided on this site is not financial advice and I am not a financial professional. This is a journal that details my investments, strategy, and analysis for personal use. Feel free to read at your own risk

Financial Friday #8

2009-03-03T13:37:00.003-05:00

Like I said last week I was looking for BAC, HIG, ABK and MBI to rebound this week. I noticed that BAC dipped under $4/share and I bought at 3.79/share. I bought 335 shares as I saw this as a huge opportunity. My A also bought 100 shares in his portfolio.

I sold out at $5.70 right after it hit the top of the channel thus making $2/share or $670. My A decided to stay in and put a stop order in a $5/share. Unfortunately at opening BAC fell from 5.67 to 4.40 before his stop triggered. I think my A ended up making like $10 on the trade after commissions. Just goes to show you that you should listen to the dog. Oh yeah and just because you put a stop in at 5 does not mean it will actually sell at 5.

Financials were getting hit hard on Friday so I am glad I got out early I expect that trend to continue into next week with a slight recovery near the end of the week or early the following week. The market is pushing these stocks down hard they will recover it is just a question of when.

Current balance: $1942

Financial Friday #7

2009-02-20T16:07:00.002-05:00

This was a week ended on a huge down note for financials. A lot of the stocks I follow are financials which means absolutely nothing. The key is that you can make money in and up or down market. So long as the market is moving you can make money. Last week we saw a lot of consolidating in for Financials. With the major trend in the market being down I decided to take a short position.

I shorted 81 shared of Hartford Insurance Group (HIG) at $11/share Tuesday. I was able to cover at 1pm today at $5.96 a share for a profit of about $5/share. As John “Hannibal” Smith is fond of saying “I love it when a plan comes together”.

Now is a great time to buy there are some great deals out there and I am looking forward to riding the bounce next week. I am looking for BAC, HIG, ABK and MBI to rebound next week.

Current balance: $1272

Disclaimer: I am a dog. I am not responsible for any investment decisions you make. Come on if you are reading a dog’s ODD to get ideas for you portfolio you have issues. I do not recommend using any of the information to make any investment decisions. Basically I am not responsible for your money. Do what you want but I have no responsibility here. Come on I am a dog. I don’t think you can even sue a dog. The information provided on this site is not financial advice and I am not a financial professional. This is a journal that details my investments, strategy, and analysis for personal use. Feel free to read at your own risk

Financial Friday #6

2009-02-17T10:58:00.002-05:00

Cognizant Technology solutions (CTSH) posted 4th quarter results on Friday. Generally earnings announcements are a crap shoot. However with the market being as down as it has been people are looking for a ray of sunshine. Cognizant is an outsourcer’s whose business model is largely a labor arbitrage play. As companies are down sizing and looking to cut costs IT outsourcing is an easier sell. CTSH also has many clients in the financial industry who have merged with other CTSH clients. This is actually a boom to CSTH since they need to now consolidate two companies systems. So where there were say 5 consultants are each client in order to consolidate they can add another 5 for the consolidation project and thus bill 15 consultants instead of 10.

The fact that one of their biggest competitiors Satyam Computer Services just admitted faking their financials for the last few quarters is also a plud for CSTH. Based on all this info I bought CTSH 42 shares@$19.56 on 2/11 and was able to sell at $21.30 right after the market had processed the earnings call on 2/13 making $73. Not really a huge gain this week but a pretty safe play all things considered.

Current balance: $894

SnowFort 2.0 Protecting freedom

2009-02-12T16:47:00.001-05:00

Lately I have been spending a lot of time on my Financial Friday posts. I spend tons of time watching the market and researching trying to figure out what to buy and when. Fortunately to this point I have been very successful. However Financial Fridays is only a part of my ODD. I instituted them to try and make my self update more and to track my performance as I enter the world of day trading.

Luckily for me I entered the market at a time of turmoil. This works well for me since there is so much flux that what may seem like a mistake on minute often turns into a move that looks like genius a day or two later.

Anyway today I am not going to talk about money. Nope This weekend my A and I built a snow fort. It actually started off as a snow tower. We were going to see how big of a snow tower we could actually make before it collapsed on it self. Conditions were really good and we got off to a great start. After about an hour of building we had were up to about 3 feet when our neighbors L and C came over.

L has been working with my A and I all winter building snow forts and is quite dedicated. In fact L has previously worked on snow fort 1.0 and 1.5. He is a great worker and has some great ideas. On Sunday his idea was to climb to the top of the tower and jump off. Apparently this is a good way to prove your tower is strong enough to hold a 60lb child. My A eventually decided that we should just turn the tower into one a corner of a fort. I am very proud of him. He made and adult decision and decided as fun as it would be to watch L jump off a 15ft snow tower that was probably not the best idea. It might also have something to do with the fact that L’s dad Mr. X is a lawyer and L and C informed us they had to stay in the front yard where their dad could see them.

I don’t what Mr. X thinks we have in our back yard but there is nothing scary back there. Really there is a bird feeder, some lawn furniture and that is about it. We keep this kid chipper in the basement behind the oil tank.

As we were working on the fort C decided to build a path from the driveway to the fort. This was a great idea since we needed a way to provision the fort. What good is a giant snow fort with out provisions? You don’t want to be stuck in your fort during a snow siege and have no provisions. If History can teach us anythingit is to properly provision you forts.

As the fort continued to grow more and more children from the neighborhood came over to help build the snow fort. We ended up with everyone on the street except Joey and his people being involved in the building. This makes things a little more complex since the rules of snow forts clearly state you can not attack anyone who was involved in the snow fort building. It is rough when you have a giant snow fort to project power into the neighborhood but no one to attack from the snowfort.

Fortunately my neighborhood has a build in villain in Mr. Mailbox. I still don’t get that guy. What is he getting in the mail that he needs this ridiculous mailbox for and why is he afraid of dogs. He is even afraid of Bailey the Bichon Frise. Being afraid of Bailey is like being afraid of a feather pillow. I don’ think there is anything less threatening than Bailey she looks like a fluffy cloud with a face.

As soon as the snow melts I am going to start walking on the grass in front of Mr. Mailboxe’s house. My A keeps saying it is not worth the effort and we should just walk in the street but we pay our taxes. We pay a lot of taxes and really use few town services so I am gonna walk on that grass. In fact from now on I am going to make it a point to pee on the grass in from of Mr. Mailboxes house. Why because I can. When your freedom is threatened you need to stand up and by god I am going to standup. In fact I am going to go one step further and raise my leg for freedom.

Financial Friday #5

2009-02-08T21:13:00.003-05:00

This was another rough week for the financial sector. As you know I have been following BAC for a while. Well it took a dive this week hitting about $4 per share. I was shocked and amazed that it would take this kind of a fall although it is now tracking the financial sector as a whole.

I ended up putting up putting in a limit order to buy at $4 figuring if it triggers great if not no big deal, well it triggered and I ended up buying BAC at $3.99. I bought 134 shares and on Friday it was still going up but I followed my rule and sold just before market close Friday afternoon. I got out at $6.13/share. This was a good week. My A is actually still holding some BAC in his portfolio so hopefully it will continue to go up. I have advised him to sell it since I have a feeling it will start to drop sometime midweek.

Current balance: $821

Disclaimer: I am a dog. I am not responsible for any investment decisions you make. Come on if you are reading a dog’s ODD to get ideas for you portfolio you have issues. I do not recommend using any of the information to make any investment decisions. Basically I am not responsible for your money. Do what you want but I have no responsibility here. Come on I am a dog. I don’t think you can even sue a dog. The information provided on this site is not financial advice and I am not a financial professional. This is a journal that details my investments, strategy, and analysis for personal use. Feel free to read at your own risk

BBC Boycott

2009-02-03T16:18:00.002-05:00

Dear BBC,

Generally I prefer to write positive letters but today I must bring to light an incident that occurred on my most recent trip to your Barktington location. I have long been a fan of the BBC and generally eat there about once a week. Anyway on Jan 25th at about 12:30 I sat down at the bar for lunch.

A few min passed and the bartender came over and asked what I wanted to drink. I ordered an Ithaca Apricot Wheat beer and some fish and chips. I love your fish and chips it is too bad you have cut back and started to use a lower quality fish. As I was sitting there drinking my beer, feeling all British and waiting for my fish and chips I noticed the bat tender goofing off with one of his friends at the bar. The next thing I noticed they were playing with a lighter, to me this was no big deal I had my beer and was feeling very British waiting for my fish and chips. Unfortunately they managed to catch a napkin on fire and in the process of trying to put it out an ash feel on my leather attaché case creating a small burn hole.

I talked to the bar tended and he apologized but was unwilling to pay for my case. I paid $500 for this case when I bought it and it has served me well through the years. I don’t remember the bar tenders name but something needs to be done about this. I am sorry but this is unacceptable.

OK I lied I never actually been to you restaurant. In fact I am a dog and you won’t allow me in. I am not even going to discuss how unfair that is right now. My reason from writing is that my A, that is the guy that feeds, me used to go there and would rave about how cool this one Bar tended Zach was. I always got a nice bag of leftovers when my A came home. One time I even got to sit in the car while my A went into eat. The car is kid of fun I get to turn up the radio and jam to the tunes when I am left alone in there. Come to think of it I get left alone a lot.

Recently I learned that Zach was fired over and email from a customer. I realize sometimes you have to let people go but come on over an email. How can you fire someone over an email especially someone who has worked in multiple locations and has been on staff for 5 years with no complaints? I don’t get it.

This seems very unfair and because of this I am instituting a boycott of the BBC. Yup that is right I am boycotting all BBC locations. I know what you are thinking. “Why do I care if a dog boycotts us?” Well let me tell you I am a very accomplished dog. I am a certified canine good citizen, I run the #1 dog blog (I call it an ODD) on the internet and I received 714 votes in an election in Baxter Iowa and those are just my most recent accomplishments. I would be happy to forward you my press kit if you are interested

I am going to tell all my Blog readers to also Boycott your restaurant. Feel free to take me lightly but when your 1st quarter earnings are down you will know why. Trust me I have a far reaching media presence. I have even been hired by companies such as Cisco and Microsoft to help advertise for them so this is no joke.

Anyway I would be willing to lift the boycott on the condition that you write an apology letter to Zach. I doubt he would be willing to take his job back that guy is a man of principle.

I hate to say it but it seems the BBC is more about the money than anything else. Why else would you fire good employees, cut back on food quality and remove the awesome lobster bisque from your menu. Even without the boycott it is getting harder and harder to find reasons to come to the BBC.

As an FYI the British are not exactly know for their great food so you are kind of starting in a hole why have you decided to digger a deeper on with this Zach firing episode.

Obviously you can’t believe every email you get. I believe the proof is in the fact that you just read and email from a dog. I wish you luck in the future based on you recent decision making it is obvious you are going to need it.

Please tell me there is a plan to turn things around over there.

Stephen

Financial Friday # 4

2009-02-02T16:13:00.001-05:00

Anyway this week I traded Hartford Financial Services Group (HIG). HIG had been pounded by the financial sector issues however we were seeing a line of resitance around $15.39. I was able to buy 30 shares at 15.45 and was able to get out when I saw the trend heading downwards on Wednesday afternoon. I ended up selling at $17.70 making $68 for the week or a gain of 15% which is pretty good for a stock I only held for about a day. This week was a quick turn usually I like to hold things a little longer but all the indicators were saying HIG was a good play so I rolled the dice.

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Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose being capitally challenged I need to be much more aggressive than I would like to be. Being aggressive is fine as long as you take calculated risks. I have started backing all my plays with stop orders to limit my potential losses. Currently I am setting stops 20% below my purchase price to preserve capital in the event one of my plays does not work out.

Current balance: $541

Disclaimer: I am a dog. I am not responsible for any investment decisions you make. Come on if you are reading a dog’s ODD to get ideas for you portfolio you have issues. I do not recommend using any of the information to make any investment decisions. Basically I am not responsible for your money. Do what you want but I have no responsibility here. Come on I am a dog. I don’t think you can even sue a dog. The information provided on this site is not financial advice and I am not a financial professional. This is a journal that details my investments, strategy, and analysis for personal use. Feel free to read at your own risk

Financial Friday #3

2009-01-23T21:45:00.001-05:00

As I mentioned last week I have been watching Bank of America. BAC continued to drop Monday and Tuesday. I was not really sure what I wanted to do so I put in a buy limit order for $5.25. I figured owning BAC at $5.25 would not be a bad thing even if I had to hold it for a few days. I ended up buying 77 shares at $5.24 when the order triggered.

After I bought BAC continued to fall eventually hitting $5.02/share. It remember crossing my paws and thinking it has to come back it has to bounce off something. There was a ton of volume and there seemed to have been support around the $6 mark based on the charts.

I ended up holding BAC until almost market close. I considered carrying the position over the weekend but that would violate one of my trading rules so I didn’t do it. I dumped my BAC position just before market close for $6.28

Current balance $483

Disclaimer: I am a dog. I am not responsible for any investment decisions you make. Come on if you are reading a dog’s ODD to get ideas for you portfolio you have issues. I do not recommend using any of the information to make any investment decisions. Basically I am not responsible for your money. Do what you want but I have no responsibility here. Come on I am a dog. I don’t think you can even sue a dog. The information provided on this site is not financial advice and I am not a financial professional. This is a journal that details my investments, strategy, and analysis for personal use. Feel free to read at your own risk

Financial Friday #2

2009-01-17T15:09:00.002-05:00

Well it is Friday again. This was a tough week in the market. Last week I traded ABK I have been noticing that ABK seems to go up to around 1.70 and then drop to around 1 repeatedly . There was really nothing I was excited about buying this week so I decided to short ABK hoping it would follow the pattern I have been seeing

I shorted 240 shares of ABK at $1.40 This freaked me out a little bit, I knew the market momentum was down but I was not sure if this would pay off or not. I figured I would just watch and see what happens. On Thursday ABK dropped to $1.01 per share and started to bounce back up a little bit I was able to cover my short position at $1.07 and get out with a $73 profit. The move worked out well but I did add a little more gray hair.

With the market getting crushed at the end of this week next week I am looking for a rebound next week. I am looking closely at Bank of America (BAC). I have a feeling the market over reacted to the earnings call on Friday but you never know. Hopefully next week will be profitable. Even though this week worked out well I really don’t love playing shorts.

Fortunately ABK continues to follow a familiar trend and I was able to make a little money this week.

Account Balance: $409

Disclaimer: I am a dog. I am not responsible for any investment decisions you make. Come on if you are reading a dog’s ODD to get ideas for you portfolio you have issues. I do not recommend using any of the information to make any investment decisions. Basically I am not responsible for your money. Do what you want but I have no responsibility here. Come on I am a dog. I don’t think you can even sue a dog. The information provided on this site is not financial advice and I am not a financial professional. This is a journal that details my investments, strategy, and analysis for personal use. Feel free to read at your own risk

It is just not Possible

2009-01-13T20:32:00.003-05:00

Stephen TheDog
7 Woof Lane
Barkington, DE 60027

Jan 13,2009

Kraft Foods Global Inc
Global Customer Relations
1 Kraft Court
Glenview, IL 60025

Dear Jelloteers,

I hope it is ok that I refer to you as Jelloteers. I would assume that working for the Jello food group of Kraft Foods is fun and that you guys go by some cool nicknames like Jelloteers. Please let me know if there a name such a Jigglers or The Great Gelatinous Guys that you would prefer.

Anyway my name is Stephen, I am a 3 yr old golden retriever poodle cross. Mom was a golden retriever and dad was a poodle. Kind of like West Side story but with Dogs, although they were from different sides of the tracks they were still great parents. My Mom raised me till I was 10 weeks old then I was adopted by my A and R and have been living with them ever since. They are pretty cool and really love Jello. Jello pudding pops are my A’s favorite. Yesterday my A made some orange Jello and let me tell you it was good. You guys make a fine product.

After enjoying the orange Jello I began to wonder about one of your marketing slogans “There’s always room for Jello”. I just don’t get it. How can there always be room for Jello? This seems like a pretty bold claim. There must be some circumstances where there is just no room for Jello.

Jello obviously takes up some space, it has to exists or else you would not be able to sell it. My Pal Drew keeps telling me I don’t understand marketing but I am pretty sure no matter how good your marketing campaign is you can’t sell nothing. Based on the fact that you are selling Jello it has to be something and thus it must take up space therefore there can not possibly always be room for Jello.

Don’t get me wrong I love your product but I just don't believe that "there is always room for Jello". Perhaps a better slogan would be “You can generally make room for Jello” or perhaps “There’s almost always room for Jello” I just feel the current statement is a little too bold for this litigious society.

Could you please have one of your Jelloteers explain how there can always be room for Jello. It just does not make sense to me and I would really like to understand the physics behind it.

I look forward to your response.

Thanks

Stephen

Stephen The “I love Jello” Dog

P.S. would it be possible to get an autographed photo of the Jelloteers?

Financial Friday #1

2009-01-10T16:16:00.001-05:00

Recently I sat down to figure out where I want to go in 2009. During this process I determined that I need to come up with better avenues for creating revenue in 2009. Ted Murphy and IZEA are not going to pay for my retirement.

As you probably remember last year Mr. Glenn Noland recognized my potential and wanted to offer me a job and a financial services rep. Unfortunately based on the fact that I have been unable to contact Mr. Noland I believe he meet with an untimely demise. Since I obviously must have some kind of potential in the finance area and I obviously need more money, I have decided to start Financial Friday’s with Stephen TheDog.

Basically I am going to take the $300 I have from Izea and day trade with it. As everyone knows there is better path to riches than Day Trading. The upside is phenomenal. So this Monday I opened an online brokerage account with my $300. Each Friday I am going to let you my reader knows what trades I made and how I did.

Knowing that I only have $300 I needed to buy a cheap stock that moves a lot. I decided to buy ABK. ABK is a large municipal bond insurer that had an all time high of $95 a share and is now trading in under $2/share. My A calls ABK a genius stock because it moves around so much. Lately ABK has been dropping to the low to mid $1 range and bouncing back up into the two’s. My A was able to make 75% gains on this stock a few times so I figure it would be a good start for me.

Monday I bought 190 shared of ABK at $1.44 for $274. Yes I put all my eggs in one basket but sometimes you have to take a risk. I don’t have a ton of capital to spread my risk out so I took a big one.

I was able to sell this on Thursday at $1.70 for $324 that is a profit of $50. I did have to pay commission but now I have $336 dollars in my brokerage account.

I am going to sell my positions every Friday and let you know how I am doing. Carrying positions over the weekend is way to risky since you get locked out of the market for 48 hours and so much can happen in that time.

Account Balance: $336

Disclaimer: I am a dog. I am not responsible for any investment decisions you make. Come on if you are reading a dog’s ODD to get ideas for you portfolio you have issues. I do not recommend using any of the information to make any investment decisions. Basically I am not responsible for your money. Do what you want but I have no responsibility here. Come on I am a dog. I don’t think you can even sue a dog.

The information provided on this site is not financial advice and I am not a financial professional. This is a journal that details my investments, strategy, and analysis for personal use. Feel free to read at your own risk

Carmen Alvarez Saves Christmas

2009-01-07T19:53:00.002-05:00

Stephen The Dog
121 Woof Way
Barkington DE

Jan 7, 2009

American Airlines Customer Relations
P.O. Box 619612 MD 2400
DFW Airport, TX 75261-9612

Dear Customer Relations People;

Hi,

My name is Stephen I am a 3 year old golden retrieve poodle cross. Yup I am a dog a very cute one in fact. I am pretty awesome in fact if I were looking to get a dog I would get me.

Anyway as a dog I don’t fly much, there is something about being treated like baggage that turns me off to flying. It is really not fair that those little dogs get to ride in crates under the seats. Would I be able to fly if I sat in a seat? I sit in the front seat of my A’s (that is the guy that feeds me and takes me places) truck all the time so I am sure I could handle an airline seat no problem. So what do you think if I buy a ticket can I ride up top with all the people instead of in the baggage hold? I know it will cost more but money is not really an object I will just put it on my A’s Amex.

I have a question when you let cats fly on planes, what do you do if someone on the plane is allergic to cats. It does not seem fair to me that you let cat fly in the cabin without asking all the other people on the plane if they are allergic. I imagine nasal allergies at 30k feet are not fun. I think all the passengers should get to vote whether or not they want a cat in the main cabin and that cat would have to win unanimously. It is not fair to torture someone with cat allergies for hours without their consent. It is hard enough to sit in those little seats for hours never mind if you have to deal with cat allergies. Of course I would have no issue sitting in that nice comfortable seat for hours or days on end. In my case the seat is a huge upgrade over riding in the dark next to some army guy’s stinky duffle bag.

I digress while I am certainly interested in whether or not I would be allowed to fly in the main cabin if I had a seat and your cat policies that is not the reason for this letter. I know you are thinking oh no here it comes. This is the part when you tell us how bad your flight experience was or what we have done to wrong you our beloved customer. I understand that is what you are thinking especially since the last 20 letter you read probably were to that effect. Fear not this letter is different and not simply because it was written by a dog. No this letter is positive! Yes I know, wow a positive letter but really stick with me it is positive. Really American Airlines is getting a positive letter from a dog. Mark this day on your calendar in fact take a min look up from your desk and smile as I am sure it is not everyday you get to a read complementary letter from a dog and a golden doodle no less.

As you know Christmas was a few weeks ago. I am sure you probably don’t know that my A and R decided to take a vacation to St Croix without me. Yeah that is right they left me, I am still a little miffed but I have my A’s AMEX and spare time so I am sure he will make it up to me.

Well my A and R were scheduled to come back from St Croix on 20th. Well on Dec 20th it snowed in the North East, in fact I snowed a lot flights were cancelled airports closed etc. I know because I was here and not in St Croix. My A and R managed to get to Puerto Rico from St Croix but their flight home was seriously delayed. This was not good as I really wanted my A and R home, sure I was mad at them for leaving me but I also missed them. It really looked like they were going to get stuck in Puerto Rico because of all the cancelled flights. I am sure you remember, in fact I bet you still have complaint letter from that day rolling in. My A told me he saw a ton of really unhappy people at the airport.

Obviously weather makes the airlines job a lot harder. Being stuck in Puerto Rico my A decided to go and talk to your customer service people and see how long the delay was going to be. My A ended up speaking to Carmen Alvarez, remember that name I have a feeling she is going places. Anyway Carmen said the flight was going to be delayed more than the 4 hours showing on the boards and that if he came back in ½ hour she would be able to provide him with more details.

After 30min my A and R went back to ask Carmen what was going on. Carmen calmly explained that their flight was severely delayed and the plane was still on the ground in Barkington with a schedule de-icing in 2 hours. This was not good my A and R were going to be stuck in Puerto Rico. Oh no they are going to miss Christmas. I know Santa finds people when they are away but unfortunately I think dogs are not Santa’s top priority, we tend to eat the cookies that get left out for him.

Well you know what Carmen Alvarez managed to get my A and R on a flight to Miami and then to Barkington. Would you believe it they get in only 4 hours late and their baggage even makes it. My A has been raving about what a great job Carmen did for days now.

I just want to say thanks to American Airlines and especially Carmen Alvarez in Puerto Rico for pulling off a Christmas miracle and bring my A and R home close to on time. Even though they were late they managed to get home in time for Santa to come and drop off all my Christmas loot. I was really good this year. Please pass on my sincere thanks to Carmen. Carmen was able to take care of my A and R when I was not there for them and I really appreciate it.

Thanks again. When flying I know I have a choice and as long as Carmen Alvarez works for American Airlines I will choose to fly American.

Stephen

P.S. Would it be possible to get an autographed photo of Carmen for my wall of fame. Her picture would go right above my autographed photo of the channel 5 weatherman.

What is wrong with this picture?

2008-12-31T13:33:00.003-05:00

There is something wrong with the picture above can you tell what it is?

No it is not the aliens hiding in the cloud on the left. Yes this is a little bit disturbing but you have to look really close to see them, don’t worry they are peaceful.

It is not the fact that the photo does not adhere to the rule of thirds. True the Palm tree should not be in the center of the photo but this is not what is wrong with the picture.

It is not even the fact that the image is cropped wrong. Nope the single biggest issue with this picture is that I am not in it. While I am sure you are thinking, Stephen are you so self centered that you think a picture without you in it has issues? It is not that I am egotistical. You see the issue is that my A took this picture in St Croix a couple of weeks ago and as I have pointed out I am not in the picture.

Do you know why I am not in the picture? Well I will tell you it is because I did not go to St Croix. Instead I got left back here to freeze my butt off in the snow. I was a good dog all year and my A and R go ahead and leave me with N and G to go to ST. Croix. (Not that I did not have fun I like it at N & G’s don’t tell my A I like it there). I would have had so much fun in St Croix. I mean come on I love the beach, I could have gone diving with them. I am sure you know there are dogs out there that can scuba dive. I would have given that Bat fish my A saw on the pier dive a run for its money. I hear bat fish are fun to chase. It would have been nice to meet the beer drinking pigs as well. I am so happy to hear they are now only drinking Non Alcoholic beers. Pigs have enough of an image problem as it is without being alcoholics.

It is so not fair that I did not get to go. They never take me anywhere cool. Sure I have been to Cape Hatteras to visit my pal Daytona a couple of times but that is about the extent of my travels. I am a part of this family and I should be treated like and equal. Seriously once all my plans start to come together and I am a millionaire they are going to be begging me for money. When they ask if they can swim in my new in ground I am going to say no, bet you wish you took me to St Croix don’t you. Sometimes it is tough to be a dog. I have been working hard to get the world to treat me as an equal and yet apparently I am not equal even in my own family. It is so sad.

I think I am going to go use my A’s credit card to order a side of beef. That will at least make me feel a little bit better.

Computer training.com

2008-12-30T16:37:00.002-05:00

Recently I received the following email from B at computer training.com
As you probably remember I took their skills assesment back in November

http://stephenthedog.blogspot.com/2007/11/computer-training.html

Stephen,

I do appreciate your interested in taking our entrance exam, with you have done 16 times in the past year. However, it is exactly that, and entrance exam. Please refrain from testing your stills on our website. If you do wish to test your skills, feel free to go to Microsoft.com, per they have test there for skills purposes. Also, In the recent months, I have had my identity stolen, costing me thousands of dollars. In my search of finding the culprit, I came across your blog page, containing my personal information such as email address, place of employment and phone number. I would greatly appreciate you removing my information from your blog page. Thank you in advance, and good luck with everything. Have a great holiday season.

My response

Dear B,

I did not realize I had taken your entrance exam 16 times in the past year. Actually it was not me taking the exam but rather my loyal and dedicated readers. I hope they did well as you may or may not know the average IQ or my ODD readers is well above the mean. Normally I don’t adjust content but it is the Holiday season and I am a reasonable dog so I have removed the link to skills assessment. This should prevent my readers from taking your exam anymore.

I would like to point out that your commercials call it an online skills assessment and not an entrance exam. Your web site calls it an online skills challenge. Personally I like to be challenged everyday and don’t feel that taking a challenge multiple times should be an issue. However I am a reasonable dog so I have removed the link. I do think you should have a talk with your marketing dept. There seems to be a mixed message here. I bet those marketing people get paid by the number of people who take the challenge and I bet your comp is based more on how many people you can get to sign up to take your courses. Personally I find the terminology confusing.

I am sorry to hear about the theft of your identity. That stinks, I hate identity thieves. I do need to make a point here. All the information on my ODD was provided by you after I took the online challenge. Perhaps if you have an issue with this you should not send anyone who takes the skills challenge your contact info. I don’t want to be confrontational but I want to make sure that you are aware that I in no way had anything to do with your identity theft. I only published information that was already in the public domain. Since I am a reasonable dog I have gone ahead and removed the information to you referenced. I feel I am under no obligation to do this and am doing it soley in the spirit of friendship.

I hope this resolves any issues you may have with me of my ODD.

I do have one question well actually two. What did you think of my ODD and would it be possible to get an autographed photo?

Stephen

Big box of awesome

2008-12-09T18:00:00.002-05:00

It appears that there is another contest running over at the BENSPARK. Drew is giving away a big box of awesome. I think we all have different ideas about what would be in a big box of awesome.

If I were creating a big box of awesome I would definitely put an Orange Stressball from istonish in that box. I use istonish for all my stress ball needs.

If you are looking to win a big box of absolute awesomeness be sure to enter this contest. I hope I win the only thing that could possibly make this box any more awesome would be if I got inside the box.

Be sure to enter the big box of awesome contest

Dr. Phil vs Dr. Pepper

2008-11-28T22:22:00.002-05:00

I am not sure if I have mentioned if before but I am currently underemployed. This means I happen to be home a lot during the day and end up watching a lot of daytime television. I can usually get through the morning waiting for the mail to come and then there is the afternoon prospect of the UPS guy dropping off a package but aside from that I am left locked in the house with little else to do besides watch TV.

Unfortunately daytime television is terrible. It seems to be aimed a people who are too dumb to have jobs. That is right I said it daytime television is aimed at stupid people. Just look at the commercials they are all about debt consolidation and personal injury lawyers.

Sometimes the TV gets left on and I end up getting stuck watching Dr. Phil. There is no way this guys is a doctor but I figure I would give him a chance so I set up a little contest between two doctors to see which one was more qualified to help people. On one side I have Dr. Phil and on the other side I had a nice cold bottle of Dr. Pepper.

Before we get started here is a brief summary of each contestant.

Dr. Phil is a large man who Oprah decided to give a television show. Hey Oprah when am I getting my own shot. Dr. Phil hands out psycho babble advice to people but does not really solve problems. Generally he just refers out the problems to other people and uses money and TV influence to make it seems like he cares. Dr. Phil has also recently begun to go down the Geraldo Rivera path booking more and more extreme guests in an effort to get better ratings

Dr. Pepper is a soft drink in fact it is the oldest major soft drink in America. It was first sold in Waco Texas long before Waco became infamous for crazy people. Dr. Pepper is a unique blend of 23 flavors. Dr Pepper has been using the same formula since 1885 and has no plans to change.

Now that we have a generally understanding of the two Doctors lets ask them some questions

Question 1:
My teenage daughter has a drinking problem what should I do?

Dr. Phil
We need to get your daughter on the show where I will confront her about why she is drinking. I will make a witty remarks at your expense, make you daughter look like a selfish person and tell you that your family needs to get real.

Dr. Pepper.
Dr. Pepper is way more refreshing than Alcohol. Drink more Dr. Pepper

Question 2:
Should I take my husband back after his affair

Dr. Phil
We need to get you and your husband on the show. Once there I will pick your side and not let your husband explain himself. I will throw in a few witty remarks to belittle your husband and make sure my sheepish audience walks away thinking your husband is the devil

Dr. Pepper
Relax and enjoy a nice cold Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper will always be faithful to you.

Question 3:
My Daughter is out of control what should I do

Dr. Phil
We need to get you and your family into the Dr. Phil house where I can take you 24 hours a day. I will take this footage and cut it up so it looks best on TV. I will make you family look terrible and then once your audience appeal has worn off I will send you back into the real world to live out your miserable little lives while I plug my next book just before the next commercial break.

Dr. Pepper.
Relax and enjoy a nice cold Dr. Pepper and forget that you have a daughter.

Question 4:

My son is selling drugs what should I do?

Dr. Phil
Well I have already done an episode on kids who sell drugs so there is really no way you can help me, I mean I can help you. Now if you can get your son to join the Klan and sell drugs while wearing his Klan uniform I might be able to help

Dr. Pepper.
Spend some time with your son enjoying a nice cold Dr. Pepper together.

There you have it. Feel free to make you own decision. Personally I would prefer the Dr. Pepper at least you get some nutritional value.

Thanksgiving? I don't get it

2008-11-27T21:48:00.002-05:00

I have been thinking a lot of Thanksgiving lately. Thanksgiving is a really interesting Holiday from what I can tell it is really just a gateway holiday. Basically you go out and eat a lot of food to prepare to go out shopping on black Friday. I thought this was supposed to be a family oriented holiday about getting together and giving thanks for what you have. Lately it seems like Thanksgiving has strayed a little from its intended purpose.

It seems like Thanksgiving is a lot like the spaghetti dinner at the Boston Athletic Club the night before the Boston Marathon. It make no sense to me, we are supposed to be giving thanks and yet if you watch any TV at all it seems like the focus is on the things we need to go out and buy at 30% off instead of focusing on what we have today. It is just crazy.

This also brings me to my next question. If you look at any on the traditional Thanksgiving images they make no sense. Typically we see top less Indian in loin cloths holding baskets of corn and surrounded by grinning pilgrim sharing a nice meal outdoors. Thanksgiving is in November and the Pilgrims are from Massachuttesses. The average temp in Plymouth MA for Thanksgiving is 36 degrees. As a dog I can handle the cold but come on no one plans a huge outdoor meal in New England in November and they certainly are not wearing short sleeve shirts. Perhaps this whole Holiday is a crock. The idea is nice but none of this makes sense. Does anyone even have corn with their Thanksgiving dinner?

Also why do we eat turkey? How come the Indians did not bring deer meat? Was there a huge over population of turkeys in the 1600’s? Were the Indians trying to make the Pilgrims sleepy by feeding them a ton of turkey? Why would Indians want to make the Pilgrims sleepy? Was it so they could win the Indian/Pilgrim football game? Apparently football is a big part of thanksgiving.

I won’t even get into that fool John Madden and his 16 legged turkeys. There are some ridiculous dogs out there but you people seem to have gotten more than you fair share of idiots.

Thanksgiving is one of those days that makes me happy to be a dog. I just don’t get the holiday. It makes no sense at all but I get to spend time with my family so that is nice. Also I am not allowed in the mall which means there is no way I can go shopping tomorrow. For once being a dog has its pluses.

Please remember the Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks, that is why it is called Thanksgiving and not “the day before 30% off retail crap day”

I got a hair cut

2008-11-24T21:25:00.004-05:00

Before

After

Yesterday my A dropped me off to get a hair cut. Now I know you are all thinking gee Stephen that does not sound too bad. Well you are sorely mistaken. In case you have not noticed I am completely covered with hair which means it takes forever to get my hair cut. That is not even the worst part when you get done with your haircut they lock you in this little cage till your A comes and picks you up. Do you know I was the last one to get picked up?

I don’t know what the deal with my A was but he took forever to pick me up. I bet he was off taking a walk or something. I really think he should stay and wait with me while I get my hair cut. Seriously I spend more time sitting in the car waiting for him and I never complain and he can’t even wait till for me while I get my hair cut.

Hopefully this new haircut will improve my job prospects. I am thinking of heading down to the mall and seeing if they have a need for a holiday dog. With all the political correctness I imagine malls will want to get rid of Santa and replace him with something less Christian. Well that is where I come in being a half golden retriever half poodle I am completely non denominational. So come down to the mall and get your picture taken with Stephen The Non Denominational Holiday dog. I am only going to charge $10/photo.

Finally please take a moment and look out your window. Are you Christmas lights up? You better hope they are not. We are coming up on Thanksgiving unless you are a Turkey please focus on the present Holiday and don’t skip ahead. On Friday you can go ahead and put up your Christmas decorations but until then lets respect the sacrifice those millions of turkeys are making and focus our attention on Thanksgiving.

What Happened to Glenn Noland?

2008-11-14T15:54:00.003-05:00

Dear Ms McHugh,

Please let me introduce myself, my name is Stephen and I am a 3 and a half year old poodle golden retrieve cross. As a dog I have been finding it difficult to find gainful employment. Which is why I was so excited when Mr. Noland contacted me about the Financial Services Representative position.

It was refreshing that Mr. Noland was able to get past the fact that I am a dog and see my true potential. I happen to agree with Mr. Noland’s belief that I would be a great fit at your organization.

Glenn is certainly a man who can spot talent. In addition to what is on my resume I recently ran a successful election campaign to capture throw away votes, nationwide . I managed to get over 714 votes and even managed to almost win a selectman’s seat in Baxter Iowa. I was barely nudged out by Mr. Yelp.

I have contacted Mr. Noland several times about setting up my interview and have yet to receive a response. I know he is a very important man but I also know that he has integrity and would not ignore my emails unless something was terribly wrong.

Please let tell me what is wrong with Glenn. Glenn was one of the first people to recognize my potential and treat my like a human. Glenn never got caught up on the fact that I am a dog. In the short time that I have know Glenn I feel that he has been like a mentor to me. True we have only exchanged a few emails but I know Glenn has been rooting for me to become a member of the team.

Most people just pat me on the head and tell me to go on my way but Glenn offered me the chance to come in and interview. Since I have not heard from Glenn I can only assume the worst. While I am deeply saddened by this I feel that in order to honor Glenn’s memory I need to continue my personal journey and come in for the interview. I would like to fulfill Glenn’s vision and become a Financial Services Representative. This is the best way I can thing of to honor such a great man.

Currently my schedule is pretty flexible I have doggie daycare on Wednesday’s but outside of that I don’t have any firm commitments. Please let me know when you can fit me into your schedule. I would love to discuss the Financial Service Representative position with you as well as share some of my memories of Glenn.

I look forward to meeting you.
Sincerely,

Stephen

The Election is over Thanks Baxter Iowa

2008-11-10T15:45:00.002-05:00

Well the election is over so now I guess I can focus on some of my other projects. I would personally like to thank everyone who voted for me. For those of you who think you vote for me was not noticed well it definitely was. I managed to get 714 votes nationwide.

Yup 714 people actually wrote in Stephen TheDog. I wish I could thank each and everyone of you but unfortunately I can’t. Please know that I do appreciate you votes. I would especially like to thank the people of Baxter Iowa. I actually almost won a selectman’s see in Baxter. I lost out to Mr. John Yelp by only 200 votes.

While I wish Mr. Yelp the best of luck I hope he keeps in mind that an out of state dog managed to get a full 1% of the vote. I hope he works harder in office than he did during his campaign. Had I been able to make a trip to Baxter IA I am sure I would have been able to pull off the win. Not that I really want to be a selectman in rural Iowa. No offense I love the country but I doubt I could convince my A to move to Iowa.

I need to get back to work on my projects. I came up with a great idea to improve the tater tot which I need to get going on. While I seem to have run into a brick wall with the DSBN project I have not given up hope yet. I just need to get in touch with the right person at Nabisco. I am starting to think I might need to go all the way to the top and send Charles Harper a letter. Lets hope he is a visionary CEO and not one of those executives who lack vision.

Personally in most of these product development endeavors I see myself as a guide dog for those who lack vision. I would like to become the Seeing Eye Dog of Corporate America (SEDCA). In this role I would work to bring new products to life and help these people realize that there is more to being successful than figuring out that if you put one less olive in the jar you are saving money.

Fry Sauce protest retraction

2008-11-04T12:23:00.001-05:00

Dear Mr. Drew,

I wish to apologize for my comments on your recent Fry Sauce contest. I wrongly assumed that I had been discriminated against. As you well know I am a dog and on top of that I am black. I have come to realize that as much as I want it to the world will never treat me fairly.

I can not get a job at McDonalds even though I am qualified. I have had instances where I have been pretty much given a job and when they realize I am a dog they will no longer even respond to me. That is right Mr. Noland I know you are anti-dog. It is a sad sad thing because I would have been a great financial services rep.

Unfortunately there is no NAACP equivalent for dogs. In fact there are no laws to prevent discrimination against dogs. It is a very unfortunate situation as it tends to make me overly sensitive when I feel I am being discriminated against. In the case of your contest I realize I violated the rules by specifying catsup instead of Ketchup. This was an oversight on my part but it does violate the rules of your contest and I can understand you disqualifying my entry. I certainly do not want to impugn the integrity of you contest so I will be forgoing my plans to file a protest.

I am truly sorry for my accusation, please realize my reaction had nothing to do with you. When you realize that society is structured in such a way as to prevent you from succeeding you tend make quick judgements. Do you realize I am not even allowed in 90% of the buildings in America! I am denied from entering some wildlife refuges because I might scare the animals. I don’t know about you but I know of a bunch of humans who are way more scary than me.

Perhaps together we can work for change. I will willing to extend and olive branch. The branch is slightly chewed. Since I was in the wrong here I am even willing to go the extra mile if you want to throw the olive branch I will be willing to fetch it.

Well good luck with you contest and I look forward to entering you next one.

Yours Truly

Stephen TheDog

Get out and VOTE!

2008-11-03T14:46:00.001-05:00

Well tomorrow is that day we have all been waiting for, we get to find out who our next president will be woo hoo. I am not going to tell you who to vote for or even discuss the issues involved. Those are all things you need to do for yourself but if you can’t figure out it write in Stephen TheDog.

No matter what happens we are stuck with it. Once the election is over I can get back to my other projects. Apparently the DSNB project is not getting any traction at Nabisco and I also need to look Drew’s Fry Sauce contest. I may have been unfairly barred for the contest.

I have yet to file and official protest and since I like Drew I may refrain but he needs to know he is walking a very fine line. Obviously I need to get all my facts strait but I do have a source on the judging panel who has agreed to speak to me off the record. I hope to get this all resolved soon.

It has been a long day and I need to get back to my nap.

Well get out there and vote. A vote for Stephen TheDog is a vote for America.

I entered Drew's Unlitimate Fry Sauce Contest

2008-10-30T09:50:00.002-05:00

Well election day is coming I have been campaigning hard and I hope I can count on your vote. As you know by now a vote for Stephen TheDog is a vote for America.

As you may or may not know my pal Drew is running a contest to find the ultimate fry sauce. I tend to like to annoy I mean support Drew in his contest efforts and for this reason I will be entering Drew’s Ultimate Fry Sauce Recipe Contest
Drew’s Ultimate Fry Sauce Recipe Contest. or UFSRC for short.

I think I have a pretty good shot at actually winning this thing. As a dog I tend to eat a lot of weird stuff. Recently I have been eating the pumpkins my R put out on the front steps for me. While there are pretty good I don’t think I want to be known as Stephen Stephen pumkin eater. I just don’t like pumpkins that much.

Last Tuesday night I ate and entire bag of Halls defense vitamin C drops including the wrappers. I figured it is cold and flu season and with the election coming up I need to do everything I can to stay health. Once you get through about 15 your tongue goes numb which is really kind of cool actually. You should try drinking water from a bowl on the floor with a numb tongue sometime it is awesome.

Since I have been experience a ton of unique flavors (don’t worry I have never eaten my own poop unlike some dogs I know) I figure people will love my Fry Sauce Recipe. I don’t really get to eat a lot of fries but when I do get them I always use Stephen’s Super Secret Fry Sauce. Unlike Duke of Bushes baked beans I am not trying to sell this recipe I am giving it away as a gift to the world.

Well Here we go

Stephen’s Super Secret Fry Sauce Recipe SSSFSR

Ingredients:
1 gallon Hellman’s mayo
2.9 Quarts Heinz Catsup (not Ketchup)
1 TSP Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 Spanish Red Onion
1 Green Chillie
1 Blue Halls Vapor Action Cough Drop (not sugar free)
¼ Cupper Coarse black pepper
¼ Keltic Sea Salt

Roast onion in oven at 325 for 15mins.

Place onion and Mayo in a large bucket and let sit for 20 min. Make sure the onion is still hot when you add the mayo.

Add diced Green Chilli and mix 100 strokes with a wooden spoon coated in olive oil

Slowly add Catsup (making sure you not using Ketchup)

Sprinkle in Salt and Pepper

Stir 100 more strokes with wooden spoon (This allows the onion flavor to permeate into the Sauce)

Heat mixture to 135 degrees and hold temperature constant for 3 hours

After 3 hours add the Halls Blue Cough drops to the bottom of the mixture increase temperature to 150 degrees and allow the vapor action to work for an hour

Remove for heat stir 500 strokes and serve immediately. Quantities not used can be stored in zip-lock bags and distributed to friends.

Recipe makes 100 servings. Which is a lot of sauce but well worth it.

Response to nabisco

2008-10-28T15:57:00.004-05:00

Dear Kim,

Thanks so much for responding to my inquiry about creating double stuff Nutter Butter’s. I realize that you have an “unsolicited ideas” policy in place which allows you to take in some outside ideas. In reading your response I did not get a feeling that you were onboard with the double Stuff Nutter Butters.

This is a phenomenal idea and needs to be brought to fruition. Once the 2008 election is over I am going to focus all my energies on bringing the double stuff nutter butter to the world. This is an idea I truly believe in and I am willing to do whatever it take to make it a reality. As much as I don’t want to live in a world without love I would also prefer not to live in a world without double stuff nutter butters (DSNB).

That being said I am offering my services to Nabisco as either a consultant or a full-time employee. I don’t want anything more that the opportunity to bring the world DSNBs. I know I will never match the contributions of Jonus Salk or Edward Teller but I would be content with my legacy being the DSNB.

Feel free to adopt the acronym on the packaging. I feel the term DSNB has street cred which will go a long way toward increasing the demographic of your consumers. As you probably well know the Peanut butter segment of the cookie market is under served and full of a lot of crappy products. The DSNB will not only fill this niche but is an easy product line expansion for Nabisco. I am happy to head up this effort. All you need to do it tell me where my office is and when I can meet my team.

Please also enter the DSNB team into the Nabisco corporate softball league. As you can imagine the DSNB team will be a bunch of go getters and I feel there is nothing more important than team building. One of my first missions on the DSNB team after explaining why there is a dog in charge of the project will be to develop a strong sense of team unity. I want these people to be as passionate about the team and DSNBs and I am.

I am attaching my resume as a formality. Please let me know when you have made the necessary arrangements for my arrival.

Thanks

Stephen TheDog
Project Manager DSNB line
stephenthedog@nabisco.com

/***********************************************************************************
Original response from Nabisco

Hi Stephen,

Thank you for visiting http://www.nabiscoworld.com/.

I appreciate you taking the time to let us know how much you enjoyed NUTTER BUTTER
Peanut Butter Sandwich Cookies. We take great pride in providing high quality
products that are convenient, taste good, and add nutritional value.

I also wanted to take a moment to address the idea you shared with us. As you might
know, we have a new "unsolicited ideas" policy that allows Kraft to consider some
types of ideas (mainly for new products and packaging innovations) submitted by
consumers. However, our policy does not cover unsolicited ideas regarding: product
line extensions, packaging changes, advertising, promotions and recipes ideas.

So, those types of ideas are not sent along to our new "Innovations Team," who is
responsible for analyzing unsolicited ideas under our new policy.

But, we do want you to know that comments shared by our consumers can be very
helpful to Kraft. Various Kraft teams do review comments such as yours, which help
us identify consumer trends, preferences and needs.

Again, we appreciate you contacting us and applaud both your creativity and loyalty.

If you haven’t done so already, please add our site to your favorites and visit us
again soon!

Kim McMiller
Associate Director, Consumer Relations

~~TLXEA_18156034~~N

Letter to Nabisco

2008-10-12T00:40:00.002-05:00

Dear Nabisco,

My name is Stephen and I am a 3 year old Golden Retriever poodle cross. Some people refer to my kind as a goldendoodle but I prefer to refer to myself as a GRPC. I am sure you guys get a ton of letters but I am sure you have never received one from a dog who is running for office. That is right I am running for all office in the 2008 election. I don’t want to bore you but feel free to check out my website if you would like more information on my 2008 campaign. http://stephenthedog.blogspot.com/2008/08/stephen-dog-declares-for-2008.html

I am sure that you are finding all of this fascinating but I sense I am losing your attention. Yeah I know you have lost the initial thrill of having opening a letter from a GRPC and your eyes are starting to glaze over. Well please stay with me for a moment because I have an idea that is going to change you life and I am going to share it with you for free.

I often come up with great ideas and I try to market them, you see as a dog it is difficult to develop a steady stream of income. I used to work for Ted Murphy writing ad copy for Goth dating sites but that business has sort of dried up. I guess if your Goth dating site works too well eventually you match up all the Goths and they no longer need dating sites. I bet you guys are glad you are in the food industry everyone needs food. While it is rewarding to help people dressed in black find true love I would imagine feeding the world is much more rewarding.

My A ,that is the guy that lets me outside and feeds me, loves you NutterButter cookies. I can’t blame him while I have never had the opportunity to sample then they smell so good. It is also genius that you made them look like peanuts that way people get a visual impression of what they are going to taste like. Someday I will get an opportunity to taste these great cookies. The problem I am having is my A tends to eat then so quickly I hardly get a chance. He will sit down with a glass of milk and 10 cookies and eat then all in about 15 mins. He never even drops one the guy has some serious cookie organization skills to be able to keep track of 10 cookies all at once. Perhaps you could send me my own box to sample. I would provide you with my A’s amex number but unfortunately the number got stolen yesterday so I have to wait till he gets a new card.

So now that we have established that Nutter Butters rock. It is time for my idea. While these cookies are pretty close to perfection I would recommend that you offer double stuff NutterButters. This has worked well for the Oreo and I think it would be great for the NutterButter as well.

Is there a rivalry between the Oreo and NutterButter teams? I bet everyone at Nabisco gets along pretty well. Do you have a corporate basketball league? I bet if you did you would play Oreos’ vs NutterButters. I would want to be on the NutterButter team. While the Oreo has better market penetration what with the cookies and crème ice cream I see the NutterButter as having more growth potential.

I must commend Nabisco on not enslaving a tree full of elves to make cookies for you like some of your less scrupulous competitors.

Please let me know when the Double Stuff NutterButters will be hitting the shelves in my local super market. I can’t wait.

Stephen

P.S. can I get an autographed photo.

I will let 2ft tall mime brush my teeth if that is what it takes to win your vote!!!

2008-10-11T00:24:00.003-05:00

Recently I have been working hard on my 08 campaign. I am so glad my A taught me to shake it has really come in handy these past few weeks. I have been trying to get out among the public to shake some hands and kiss some babies.

Unfortunately the reaction has not been exactly what I am looking for. Every time I shake someone’s hand they say “That is so cute” or “What a neat trick” but I don’t hear a lot of “ You definitely have my Vote Stephen” I am not out here to be cute if you want cute there is a monkey in Florida who will shake you hand for a quarter. I am out here to win votes and show what can happen when we all get behind a candidate. I think the handshaking is winning a few votes but not as many as I would like.

I think I am going to have to do more than just shake a few hands. I wonder if my A will spring from some campaign signs to put out in front of people’s houses. I bet a TV commercial would go a long way too. Do you think NBC will take a credit card? Maybe I could run my add during the World Series. I wonder if I can put 1.5 million on my A’s Corporate AMEX.

The baby kissing seems to be having a negative effect. It seems that a lot of people don’t really want their babies kissed. All you ever hear about is politicians shaking hands and kissing babies. Can someone tell me when is became passé to kiss babies. I just don’t get it I go in to kiss the baby and the next thing you know the Mom is yanking the baby away. I don’t get it what is wrong with these people.

Being a public figure is hard. It is really tough to please the public. I want to win this thing and will do what I have to in order to get my point across. As the makes of the Klondike bar once asked “What would you do for a Klondike bar?”, would you hop like a frog? Well let me tell you I am willing to do what it takes to get your vote. Yes I will let a 2 ft tall mime brush my teeth if that is what it takes to get you to vote for me.

I am in this for the long run and now I have pearly white teeth and minty fresh breath. Maybe my breath was issue with kissing babies. I am going to run out and try to kiss a few more babies before I go to bed.

Remember Vote Stephen the Dog.

Who should I vote for Stephen TheDog '08 Press Release

2008-10-02T15:33:00.003-05:00

For Immediate Release

CONTACT: Stephen TheDog
stephen@stephenthedog.com
http://www.stephenthedog.com

Canine Declares for 08
Stephen the Dog officially announces his involvement in the fall election Season

Barkington DE. – Stephen TheDog a 3 ½ year old Poodle Golden retriever cross and author of the award winning blog StephentheDog (http://www.stephenthedog.com/) has officially announced his participation in the fall election season.
Stephen’s candidacy is unique in many ways, the least of which is that he is a dog and thus technically unqualified to hold any political office. While this would be a detriment to most campaigns Stephen is actually using it to his advantage.
“I see that fact that I can not actually hold an office as a positive. I am not actually trying to win but I am trying to bring awareness to people about how they vote. Too often people make uninformed voting decisions and just fill in a bubble with out a good reason to vote for that person. I suggest that if you don’t have an opinion vote for me. I can’t win and if enough people write in Stephen TheDog it will send a clear signal to the candidates that they need to do a better job campaigning.”
There have been write in campaigns before but never has there been a write in campaign where the candidate has run for every office with the understanding that he can not win any of them. “This is not about me this it about sending a message. There are a lot of unrepresented people out there who want to be involved in the democratic process but don’t have a candidate they can stand behind. A write in Vote for Stephen TheDog not only prevents the noncommittal vote but also will show the candidates that there is a large untapped portion of the public who they have not swayed. “
The main advantage for the write in candidate is that Stephen can be involved in every race at once. Since Stephen TheDog is not running for any office in particular, if for example a person knows who they want to vote for President but has no opinion on the town clerk race they can write in Stephen TheDog for town clerk. Alternately if they have an opinion on Town clerk but can’t decide between Obama and McCain they could write in Stephen TheDog for President. It also works well for uncontested races. Who really wants to vote for the candidate running uncontested did he really win your vote? “Show them they have not won your vote and vote for the dog”
In every election you get write in votes for Elvis, Gilligan, my neighbor Jimmy etc. These votes just get ignored because they represent a tiny portion of the total votes cast. However if , all of these throw away votes were added together it would represent a large number of votes. “My goal it to unite the throw away votes and show the power of the people”
“We must send a message and take back the election process”

For more information email Stephen(at)stephenthedog.com

- END -

Joey Does it!!!!!

2008-09-24T14:20:00.002-05:00

The Internet has me in a bad mood today. I am generally overwhelmed with the conglomeration of stupidity out there. I hate to say it but there are some people who should not have a voice. I don’t really want to go into detail. I will get over it and I am moving on. Wheew now I feel a little better.

As you all know I have been busy with my weather experiments and my quest to collect all, your throw away votes. Is there a more trusted leader than a dog? Dogs are tasked with leading blind people across streets what better vote of confidence is there than someone stepping out into traffic without looking and knowing their dog will keep them safe.

With all these things going on I have been very busy and have sort of lost track of what my pals have been doing. It turns out my best buddy Joey has been working on a project of his own lately.

It seems that there are invisible barriers around all the homes in our neighborhood. It is weird you will be minding your own business then like 3 feet before you get to the barrier you hear a beeping sound. If you don’t turn around and just ignore the beeping a few seconds later your neck will hit that barrier and you will feel this weird pain like a bee sting. It is really not pleasant.

The weird thing is that when I am with my A or R they can lead me through the barrier with no problem, but if I try to go through the same spot without them it does not work. Believe me I have tried everything. It seems to me that the gap must be constantly moving. I have a feeling the barrier is visible to humans but not dogs, which would explain why it is so easy for my A and R to get through it. I wonder if it has something to do with color. We dogs don’t see color anywhere near as well as people so I am guess this has something to do with me not being able to see the opening in the barrier.

Now the other day I was walking by Joey’s house and he walked out into the road to say “Hi” to me. I was shocked. “Joey how did you get through the barrier?” he told me he had figured it out. Apparently in order to get out of Joey’s yard all you need to do it locate gap in the barrier which can be done by watching birds. Apparently when birds fly over the house they use the barrier gaps. The birds always fly above the gaps so if you can run under the bird you can get out of the yard.

Joey is so lucky. He has been taking himself for walks, he gets to visit people when they walk by and he has even been going over to visit muddy next door. As soon as I get some time I am going to see if the bird trick works for the barrier around my house. I have noticed it does work for getting into Joey’s yard so I am hopeful it will work in my yard.

I am hoping that this system works for all the yards in my neighborhood and not just Joey’s yard. I can’t wait to be able to get out at night and go visit Mr. Mailbox. I am so going to figure out what he is getting in that ridiculous mailbox. I can understand locking up your house or your car but your mail, come on. I wonder if Mr. Mailbox knows that anyone can stop his mail. All you have to do is go to USPS.com and fill out the stop mail form. They never even ask you to prove it is really your mail you are stopping. Well it looks like I have some work to do over at USPS.com. Remember if you don’t know who to vote for vote dog.

Where are you Mr. Noland

2008-09-11T15:33:00.002-05:00

Dear Mr. Noland,

I just wanted to follow up on my letter of Aug 13, 2008. As I had expressed in my previous letter I am very interested in talking to you about the Financial Service Representative position at Strategic Financial Partners (SFP).

I am wondering why you have not responded to my previous letter. In you initial email you stated that based on my background I would be a “Great Fit” for the position as well as stating that you were “looking forward to the opportunity to meet me soon’

Based on this I find it puzzling that you have not replied to my most recent email. Has something changed? Have you filled the position? Hopefully you have not been sick. I really hope you have not been sick. My A had the flu a couple months ago and he was in bed for a week I felt so bad for him.

You might be interested to know that recently I was awarded a certificate for sun bathing and pool watching from my Doggie Day Care. That is right I was recognized for my outstanding abilities in these areas. I wanted to bring this to your attention as it is currently not on my resume yet. If I can be recognized for sunbathing imagine what I can do in financial services. I just need an opportunity. Once I get the job I am sure I my A will need to get a bigger fridge just to hang all my SFP awards. Notice how I have already switched over to using the SFP acronym. I am already increasing my productivity and I don’t even work there yet.

Please let me know what the current status of this position is. I am a little concerned that something has changed and I am not longer in the running, The only two things I can think of are the fact that I am a dog and that I am black. Obviously being a dog is not an issue. You did review my resume where it is obvious I am a dog and you came away impressed so I don’t think this is an issue. I also don’t believe it has anything to do with me being black. I believe SFP is an equal opportunity employer and while there are still a very small number bigoted companies out there I don’t SFP is one of them. I have nothing but respect for you company. Thus I am baffled

I would like to assume that you have just been busy and have not been able to get back to me. I was also able to get my A to agree to give me a ride to you office on Wed Oct 15th. I will have to skip doggie day care that day but if that is what it takes to become a Financial Services Representative then so be it. Mr. Noland I am willing to do what it takes to land this position.

Please contact me soon as my schedule is filling up quickly. I have recently declared my candidacy for 2008. I am running as a write in candidate for all open offices. Basically you know how there are always one or two races where you don’t care say the race for bursar. What the heck is a bursar anyway and who is Mary O’Connel. Rather than just voting for Mary I want people to write in Stephen TheDog. Obviously if you know Mary and know she does a good job vote for her just don’t vote blind. I don’t expect to win anything I just want people to think about their votes and not just vote blindly. I even have a couple of slogans

“If you are going to vote blind then vote dog” “Stephen TheDog the seeing eye dog for the democratic process”

I sincerely hope you did not have the flu.

I look forward to meeting you and promise not to lick your face at least not until I get the job.

Stephen

P.S. Can I get an autographed photo.

Stephen the Dog declares for 2008

2008-08-31T19:12:00.002-05:00

This weekend we went to my R’s parent’s house. Apparently it is a very nice house or so I am told. I don’t really know since I get to sleep in the garage and am only allowed in one room off the garage. Let me tell you there are some major drawbacks to sleeping a garage. I know jimmy254 things it is cool that he lives in his parents garage but let me tell you it kind of stinks. It is drafty out there and the cars smell a little funny. Plus you have that refrigerator noise to lull you to sleep. I don’t want to complain though. I did get a sweet bone and got to do some swimming.

As you probably have noticed I only update here on average about once a week. I know I should be more diligent but I have so many things going on it is hard to write sometimes. I still have not had my interview for that financial service job. I am going to need to follow with Mr. Noland soon I bet his is just busy reviewing resumes. I am so glad he was able to see my potential though.

I also have had a huge craving for Pringles brand potato crisps lately. I am not really sure why. Do you know why they call them crisps and not chips? It is because they can’t legally call them chips because well they are not chips. Pringles are actually made from a potato paste. That is the only way they can get them all in that weird little shape.

Ok so now that you are up to speed.

On a far more serious note

With the upcoming elections in November I am considering starting an internet campaign. I know there is a long way to go before you can make up you mind on who to vote for and I respect you decision either way. However as of today I am declaring my candidacy. That is right I am running for office. You may ask which office well I am running for all offices. That is right I want your throw away votes. I know how it is, in every election there is a race you don’t care about, don’t have enough info to vote, or don’t like either candidate. Rather than just filling in a circle please take a min and write in Stephen TheDog. Don’t worry I can’t win as the laws will not allow a dog to take office. (that is a fight for another time) However if I can get my name on enough ballots perhaps we can show those people in Washington what a dog with a lot of free time can do.

Politicians often have this air of entitlement. Imagine the message you would send by voting for me. Sure you could write in Elvis or Gilligan but if as a nation we all wrote in Stephen TheDog. That would send a powerful message. Well Mr. Freedman you did win but there was a write in candidate who got 20% of the votes and he’s a dog. Nice job campaigning pal!

Please vote for what you believe in but if you don’t care I say vote for the dog. Show the government that you voters really have a choice. Rally behind the dog!

Stephen the dog for a better America. I bet if I was a Senator I would not have to sleep in the garage.

Reply to Mr. Noland

2008-08-18T15:20:00.001-05:00

Mr Noland,

Thank you for taking the time to review my resume. I would have to agree with you that I would make a great fit for the Financial Services Representative position you are looking to fill.

Ever since I was a puppy I have been interested in the Financial Services Industry. In an effort to better understand money I have even gone so far as to eat several dollar bills. I can tell you this they don’t taste like chicken but are much better than matches. I have also spent considerable time working on my own personal finances.

During my impetuous youth I ran into a slight issue where I chewed through a seatbelt. At the time I did this I had no income and no prospects for income. I was pretty much relying on my A to put food in my bowl twice a day. This incident opened my eyes and since then I have accomplished all that you see on my resume. I am very proud of the fact that I have been able to pay off my seatbelt debt and in fact have exponentially increase my personal net worth since the time of the incident. This incident was a true turning point in my life

Unfortunately I have been unable to call Mary McHugh, as you suggested to schedule an interview. As you are most likely aware dogs do not have opposable thumbs so we can’t dial phones unless they have really big keypads. I have a giant keypad phone on order but it won’t be here for a few days. Don’t worry though if part of this job requires me to dial a phone I will bring the giant keypad phone I just ordered to work with me. I know you are taking a chance on me so I don’t want to be treated any different than any other employee. I would not think of asking you to provide special office equipment for me.

I am certainly looking forward to meeting you and discussing career opportunities in your office. Currently my A works 8-5pm which leaves me without a car. I did ask him if he would mind taking a day off to drive me to the interview. Unfortunately he told me that unless I started to play fetch with him he would not take the time off to drive me. Obviously the easy thing for me to do would be to play fetch but that game is so demeaning I just won’t do it and I don’t think you would want to hire a dog that would play fetch anyway.

Would it be possible to do an interview after 6:30pm? Or even better you could come to my house and we could do the interview there. I am home all day every day except Wednesday’s when I go to Doggy Day Care, which ever day works best for you is fine with me. I will be able to afford a car or at least afford to pay the Doggie Day Care bus lady to drive me to work once I get the job but for now I am stuck without transportation.

Thanks again for this great opportunity. I am chasing my tail in excitement. I really think being a Financial Services Representative will be a great opportunity for me and I am sure I will be an asset to your organization.

I am enclosing a picture with this email so you will be able to recognize me when we meet. If I have learned anything in business it is being able to recognize and associate a name with the face you are meeting goes a long way towards building a successful relationship

Sincerely,

Stephen TheDog
Future Financial Services Representative
Strategic Financial Partners

P.S. Would is be possible to get an autographed photo.

I got an interview

2008-08-18T14:06:00.004-05:00

So last week I posted my resume on Monster.com and in addition to the mountains of junk email I am now getting I got an interview request. This is a great first step. I am going to make a great Financial Services Representative.

Hi Stephen

My name is Glenn Noland, Managing Partner for Strategic Financial Partners of New England Financial, a MetLife company. I recently reviewed your resume on Monster and your background would be a great fit for the Financial Services Representative position that we are looking to fill. I would like to set up a time with you to discuss career opportunities with our company in our Waltham office. Please click HERE to schedule your interview or contact Mary McHugh at (444)788-4650 or reply to this email with the date and time that you will be available to interview. I look forward to the opportunity to meet you soon!

Sincerely,

Glenn Noland

Managing Partner

Strategic Financial Partners

New England Financial, A MetLife Company

Vicroty Hair

2008-08-18T10:48:00.000-05:00

I am a dog so I hear a lot of stupid things. People don’t tend to think we dogs are paying attention but we are. We listen to you people and often it is all we can do not to laugh at you people. The other day I was walking around and heard this guy try to pick up a girl with the following line “I like Tomato soup”. That just makes no sense. Come on Tomato soup? A much better line would be look at the cute dog over there I bet he would let us pet him. Even better would be “I have a dog biscuit would you like to give it to the cute dog over there”

The tomato soup line will definitely keep you from achieving Victory Hair. You know when you hair is so good you can’t help but engaging people.

VO5 is having some Ultimate Flirting Championship ultimate flirting championship thing. If you think you have victory hair you should check it out.

I love
Extreme Style by VO5 it rocks. I use VO5 on my hair all the time and it make me look so good. You have to admit I do look good

My Resume is on Monster

2008-08-13T13:57:00.002-05:00

As you all know I am in the process of looking for a job. I have come to realize that just being cute will not pay the bills. After contacting Joey’s R about finding a job I realized that god helps those who help themselves.

I just watched “Facing the Giants” with my A and R so I am a little fired up about god lately. If you have not seen the movie you should definitely check it out. I will have to say it is the best movie put out by a Southern Baptist church that I have ever seen. I though the best part was when the scrawny little kid kicked the field goal to beat the Giants. I you won’t even believe the name of this kid. It was David the symbolism it just awesome a tiny kid named David flinging a football to defeat the Giants how awesome is that.

So in an effort to help myself I have posted the following resume on Monster.com. Hopefully I will find a job soon.

Stephen TheDog
7 Bark Lane, Barkington DE, 17753
317-Bow-Wow1
Stephen@stephenthedog.com

Background Summary
Dynamic Dog with extensive experience in a wide variety of fields.
· Letter Writing
· Internet commentary
· Archeology
· Entrepenureal idea development
· Marketing consulting
· Digging
· Sled Pulling

Experience
StephentheDog Industires LLC
since 2005

President, Barkington DE
· Incorporated in Delaware SDI focuses on developing industrial solutions for a changing world. We have successfully developed and patented Nut Silo as well as several other world class ideas which are in various stages of the patent process

PayPerPost
Since 2007

Marketing consultant,
· Contributed originally marketing ideas and press releases for multiple products.
· Highest Grossing dog ODDer since July 07.
· Responsible for the exponential growth of internet Goth dating.

Stephenthedog.com
Since April 2007

Webmaster Stephenthedog.com
· Responsible for site design and content. Stephenthedog,com is the number on Dog run website on the internet.
· Lead historical research resulting in new theory on why Americans drive on the right.

Education

Puppy Kindergarten- Especially for Pets
Finished 1st in class
Graduate Puppy- Especially for Pets
Finished 1st in class
Beginner Agility- Master Peace
Intermediate Obedience- Master Peace
Certified Canine Good Citizen
Certified Canine Swimmer -HTDDC

Hobbies
· Currently working on assembling my own museum quality Cow Skeleton.
· Chewing stuff
· Real Estate Speculation
· Walking
· Welcoming joggers passing the house

· Multilingual (Barking and written Englsih).

Matches do not Taste like Chicken

2008-08-12T15:33:00.001-05:00

It has been one of those days, long and kind of boring. I was home today with not much to do other than watch tv and eat stuff. I am not supposed to eat stuff but sometimes I like to pretend I am on a deserted island and starving to death. You never know when the ability to eat socks will save your life.

Well today I was walking around the house thinking about what I would eat if my A never came home. If only I had opposable thumbs I could open the refrigerator or even better open the door and go outside and play. Unfortunately god did not bless me with thumbs so I am stuck inside. I did notice a box of matches sitting on a table. I figured matches are made of wood which is like a plant. I like to eat grass so maybe wood might be ok plus, I was in the mood for something spicy. So I tried a few of them. I picked up the box and carried it over to my bed.

I like to eat stuff on my bed because what is my A gonna do if I he catches me? Send me to bed? Ha I am already on my bed! Anyway I started to eat the matches, in case you are wondering they do not taste like chicken, in fact they are kind of gross. I got through like 3 of them and decided I don’t like matches. I wonder if my poop will be inflammable now?

No that is not a typo Jimmie357, inflammable means capable of being set on fire. I understand you have developed quite a sense of self worth what with recently being elected king of your Mom’s basement and all. However I would appreciate it if you did a little more research before telling me I am wrong.

How cool would it be to go take a poop on Mr. Mailboxes front steps and have it catch fire when he steps on it. Hmm maybe eating matches is a better idea then I thought. I might have to research this further. Does anyone have any water? I have this weird sulfur taste in my mouth I can’t get rid of. Ha

Response from Joey's R

2008-08-08T11:23:00.002-05:00

Dear Stephen -

Thank you for contacting me about your job search. The current economicsituation has hit many people and while I am not an expert in the canine job marketI think it is safe to assume your struggle to find a position is a common tail (punintended). Having said that, you are correct that I am always looking for superior talent towork with. Since you live in the area, have spent many productive hours runningaround my yard and barking at me I know your strengths and quality of character. I'm happy to say that I will do what I can to assist you in your search for gainfulemployment.

The demand in the job market for dogs is a mixed bag. On the one hand there aren'tmany jobs out there for dogs but on the other hand the ones I know about seem to begreat opportunities. Case in point is one position I'm aware of for a Sled Dog (seethe attached job description). As I see it, this is a great position for you. Youlove being outside, you love to run and you love to be near other dogs (Joey's limpis a testament to this) . What could be better that a 15 mile run with 9 other dogsall pulling together? And if I'm not mistaken, I've seen your A fit you with a dogsled harness already so you may already have some experience (should this be on yourresume?). You would be feed very well. You must be wondering if you would be the Lead Dog. From what I'm told every dog is given the opportunity to attain Lead Dog status but it does require the right amountof experience and training. This is great since I know you are goal-oriented. Itgives you something to aspire to. Goals are important.

I look forward to hearing what you think.

Looking for a Job

2008-08-01T15:35:00.003-05:00

Dear Joey’s R

Recently Joey informed me that you were a headhunter. After some initial shock and terror I have come to realize that you are a guy who finds people jobs and not a psychopath who hangs the heads of the defenseless on his wall. As Joey may or may not have told you I am currently between positions. I have a few ideas up in the air but none of them have really taken off yet.

This being said I am open to looking for a job in corporate America. I have spent some time looking on my own but have been hitting a brick wall. It seems that most companies do not hire dogs. In fact many of my kind have been forced to work for free. Do you know what the average guide dog makes? They make nothing they are not even paid. Apparently keeping blind people from being flattened by semi trucks is not a service people are willing to pay for.

Do you know what an avalanche rescue dog makes? Again nothing apparently being dug out from under 20ft of suffocating snow is not even worth minimum wage. These are the issues I am running into. There just does not seem to be any good work out there.

Seeing as you are a head hunter, (not the kind who hangs heads on a wall) I was wondering if you would be willing to help me in my job search. I have extensive experience in Marketing and New Media as well and some experience in security work. I assure you I am employable I just need a chance.

I know you recruiter guys are always looking for clients so I am assuming you will add me to you client list. I am attaching my resume for you review.

Looking forward to a productive job search

Sincerely,

Stephen

P.S. would it be possible to get an autographed photo?

Yikes!!! Joey's R is a HeadHunter

2008-07-18T13:21:00.005-05:00

Yesterday I was playing with Joey. He just got back from vacation. Well actually he just got back from the kennel and his family got back from vacation. His family picked him up so it looked like he was coming back from vacation with them.

Apparently his family went hiking and to amusement parks and all kinds of fun things for their week of vacation. Joey did tell me that he had a lot of fun taking naps at the kennel and even got to meet some new friends. I have never been to a kennel but they kind of scare me. When my A and R go on vacation I either go to N and G’s or I get to go along. In May I got to ride in the car all the way to North Carolina it was an awesome time. I made sure I drank lots of water so I could pee on all kinds of stuff and mark my territory. I now have claimed property in over 7 states. Most of my properties are gas stations and rest areas but I do own some sweet beach property as well.

I guess a kennel would be ok but I would rather just hang out with my A and R.

I did ask Joey what his R and S do that allows them to take these great vacations. Joey’s S is a teacher so she gets the summer off and his R , not to be confused with his r, is a headhunter. I assume head hunters kind of make their own schedule. I am sure they get busy when head season is open but I bet it is pretty flexible. I wonder if they wear those fluorescent orange vests. Is there a limit on how many heads you can take in a day? Where do you sell your heads after you have hunter them?

I am going to have to be a little more careful around Joey’s R. I don’t want my head hunted. I am pretty sure our whole town is a no hunting zone so I think I am pretty safe. I don’t think Joey’s R does any poaching. I am still going to be more careful though I don’t want my head to end up on a wall.

why do American's drive on the right side

2008-07-08T15:26:00.001-05:00

As a dog I am always looking to help out people. As you may or may not know helping people is part of the dog code. I don’t really want to get into the dog code today so for now just assume it is a set of guidelines governing how we dogs interact with the world. At the very lowest level it is the only thing that prevents us dogs from eating the bottom 30% of the human race who seem to be just incredibly stupid.

Lately I have been pondering the question of why do Americans drive on the right hand side of the road. In England they drive on the left but over here we drive on the right. Why is that? Is it arbitrary or is there some kind of historical or logical reason.

As you probably realized roads have been around much longer than cars. Originally roads were travelled by horse drawn carriages. Since there are so few horses around you may not know this but horses stink. Yup they do sorry my friends Flicker, Mr. Ed, and Trigger all smelled pretty bad.

Why do we care at all that horse smell? Well as we all at some point come top realize, rich people make laws. In olden times you had smelly horses pulling rich people around. Well if you know anything about rich people then you know they don’t like smelly things. Rich people also tend to migrate like birds going south in the winter. Since the prevailing wind in the US in from the west if the carriage driver sits on the left hand side of the vehicle he is driving and the rich guy sits on the right hand side of the vehicle guess who gets all the smell. That is right the poor sap stuck driving the carriage. The rich jerk ends up upwind of the horse and thus gets little to no smell. You obviously want the driver toward the middle of the road so he gets a better view of his surroundings, thus we drive on the right in America. So there you have it.

Driving on the right has many benefits. In the 40’s when the automobile came out and the smell issue was no longer there some people suggested we start driving on the left. In fact there was a short period of time where we actually emulated England and drove on the left. This was short lived however since most people are right handed. Basically what happened was people were so pyched to have cars that they would high five each other as they passed in alternate directions. This was not a big issue until the 50’s when cars got faster and people started to lose arms to this behavior.

As hospitals started to see more and more patients with lost arms due to high fiving at high speed, the government was forced to step in. Realizing most people we right handed the Govt decided that if we forced the drivers right hand to be toward the middle of the car most attempted to high fives would be unsuccessful. Basically right handed people don’t have the control over their left hand to high five at closure rates of 47mph or greater. For this reason President Truman signed a highway bill 227.35 stating we would from this day forth have to drive on the right with our right hands protected in the middle of the car.

The idea must have worked because only a very small percentage of the population today is missing their right arms. The only downside is that when we go to the drive through right handed people are forced to handle the transaction with their left hands. I guess Truman did not anticipate everything. I will say would rather watch my A fumble with his left hand to get his change than to have him not have a right arm. He feeds me with his right hand so I would be pretty hungry if he had no right hand.

So there you have it we drive on the right because horse stink and no one wants to have only one arm.

Trying to reach an understanding with Mr. Y

2008-06-30T12:19:00.002-05:00

Dear Mr. Y,

Thank you for taking the time to explain your position in regards to my new mailbox. While I don’t necessarily agree with your point of view I am willing to accept it. I will just have to find another way to earn some much needed cash.

Based on your very thorough definition of an officious intermeddler I am assuming it is a good thing that I did not break ground on your new pool. You see I was going to put in a pool for you while you were away a few weekends ago but I just got busy. Since you seem to be unwilling to give a dog a ten spot I am betting the $15,000 for the pool is out of the question.

Your response has opened my eyes. I still think this officious intermeddler method of demanding payment has merit, so I am not quite ready to give it up. However you seem to have sound legal training and the ability to throw around big words. Why do lawyers insist on using big works and terms like the part of the second part? Why not just call him Jim or the jerk we are suing.

What this experience has shown me is that I am probably in need of legal council. What I am willing to offer you is the following. I will drop my claim for the $10 on the condition that I am allowed to use you Mr. Y as my legal council. You can consider the disputed $10 as a retainer. In exchange for being my legal council I will allow you to use my name on your client list. I have no doubt that representing the number one Dog Odder on the plant will have a dramatic effect on you career, perhaps enough so that you can actually put in that pool. Please make sure you get a gunite one as I am told it is common for dogs to rip the liners of vinyl pools.

Stephen

Mr. Y responds

2008-06-26T12:02:00.001-05:00

Stephen -
Your new mailbox looks great. You must have been exhausted from laying about in the shade watching your A install it. You know what they say about a dog's work never being done and all.
I must, however, respectfully deny your claim for compensation. Among other legal and factual reasons, you are what is known in the law as an "officious intermeddler." Being of the genus canis, that is probably not a term you are familiar with, so let me provide you with an explanation. According to Black's Law Dictionary, an "officious intermeddler" is one "who confers a benefit on another without being requested or having a legal duty to do so, and who therefore has no legal grounds to demand restitution for the benefit conferred." Moreover, I doubt that, even with the aid of expert testimony, you would be able to prove that you actually conferred any benefit whatsoever. Thus, consider your claim for compensation denied.
I certainly hope this does not change what I consider to be an otherwise healthy and respectful relationship (and I will continue to overlook your barking).

Regards, Y

P.S. As always, nothing contained herein shall be construed as a waiver of any rights and defenses, all of which are expressly reserved.

New Mailbox and I expect to be compensated Mr. Y

2008-06-23T16:47:00.002-05:00

Dear Mr. Y.

We have lived across the street from each other for a while now and I feel that we have a developed a pretty good relationship. I really appreciate the fact that you never rat me out for barking at night. I am pretty sure you can hear me when I go on one of my barking rampages because I often hear the screaming that comes out of your house. What is up with all the screaming? Do you really enjoy horror movies or something?

Anyway I am writing you to discuss property values. As you know recently the real estate market in our area has taken a major hit. This being the case we need to do whatever possible to preserve our property values. Yes I am well aware that my A is bringing down the value of your house by not cutting his grass. There is not much I can do about that he does not really enjoy cutting the grass. I guess I could pick up my bones so he does not run over them with the lawnmower. Have you ever seen a lawnmower hit a nice big cow femur. Believe me it is something to see. Pulverized cow femur is very tasty.

As you may have noticed I recently had my A replace our mailbox. This is located across the street from our house so it adds zero value to our property. The old one did not add negative value to our house either it was kind of just there for the mail. However it is on your side of the street and I believe it is a factor in you home’s value. That being said I replaced the mailbox on Sunday. I checked Zillow.com and since Saturday the value of your house has appreciated $75. Now the only thing that has changed in regards to your homes value is my new. It cost me about $20 to install the new mailbox. Yes my A is also cheap but then again the mailbox is not in our yard so who cares what it looks like oh wait you do J.

I don’t think it is fair that we spent $20 on a mailbox to increase the value of your home. My A could have bought me 6 cow femurs with that or 3 stuffed squeaky toys. I would not being you to suggest you give me the $75 your home has appreciate even though I my data shows that the mailbox upgrade is responsible for the entire amount of the appreciation. What I am suggesting is that you cut a check to me Stephen theDog for an amount no less than $10. I think it is only fair that I be compensated.

Please do not feel I am singling you out I am also going to ask our letter carrier for a similar amount. She benefits from this as well. In fact the only one not benefiting from this is me this me. Please enjoy the $65 of equity my efforts have placed into you home.

Sincerely you Neighbor

Stephen the Dog

P.S. You need to get a pet. My naming system does not work with you people who don’t have pets.

why is there Cotton in my Asprin bottle

2008-06-10T13:40:00.002-05:00

The other day I was asked “Why do all pill bottles come with a wad of cotton on top?” It took me a while but I have finally been able to track down the answer. Originally I thought is was to protect the pills from moving around and rubbing against each other. However this is not the case. While holding pills still is a worth goal there are a ton of things that could be used to do this besides cotton.

The story starts in 1793 when Eli Whitney invented the Cotton gin. This simple little invention revolutionized the cotton industry and the economy of the Southern United States. Fortunately there was still a high demand for cotton so the South was able to prosper. Suddenly the south could meet the demand for cotton and produce it much more cost effectively.

In 1861 the south suffered a major setback with the Civil war. My A recently gave me a lecture on why agrarian economies should not go to war with industrialized economies. I can’t say it was riveting but the basically what I got out of it was the South was destined to lose the Civil war and you should never refinance your car.

After the South lost the war they were in bad shape. Northerner’s we coming down and taking advantage of the southerners. Abraham Lincoln saw this problem and decided as president he needed to do something. Lincoln was quite the president what with the ending slavery and enriching the arts and all.

Lincoln felt it was important to make sure the South was financially stable in order to avoid another civil war. The Southern economy based largely on cotton and tobacco is a tenuous endeavor at best. Lincoln with his legendary foresight knew that the Surgeon General would soon start a campaign to end tobacco use and that Polyester and Rayon would drive down the demand for cotton. This would effectively cripple the south again and cause another civil war.

In order to avert this Lincoln passed secret legislation requiring a giant wad of cotton be placed on top off all pill bottles. This had the effect of tying the highly profitable pharmaceutical industry to the southern economy thus creating a synergy. Obviously the tactic has been effective as there has not been a civil was in this country in over 100 years.

So next time you wonder what the cotton in doing in your Tylenol bottle you will know it is there to keep the peace. Without that little wad of cotton who knows where this country would be.

Cop Shorts!!!!

2008-06-09T15:04:00.002-05:00

As you all know I love Police Gear. I can’t get enough of it. I am never happier than when I am running though the neighbor hood in full riot gear. There is just something about riot gear that makes you feel invincible. That and the fact that as I a dog I can run 4x faster than any human just gives me this feeling of god like power. Not that I am a god or an anyway am comparing myself to god. That would be blasphemy it is just an expression don’t read anything into it. I am trying to tell you about Police gear not have a theological discussion here.

If you are into police gear you should check out these 5.11 Shorts These are the same shorts the police wear. That’s right official cop shorts. Remember how cool the cop car was in the movie the Blues Brothers? Well these shorts have cop pockets, cop buttons, cop zippers etc. If you want a pair of shorts in which you can protect and serve your neighborhood these are the shorts for you.

Response to Ted Murphy and Bonzo

2008-06-09T14:51:00.001-05:00

Bonzo,

Thanks for the response sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. I have been on vacation. Three weeks ago my A and R threw me in the back of the truck and 13 hours later I was in Cape Hatteras. It was a really fun trip I got to play in the ocean and made some new friends.

The trip down was a little tough. 23 hours in the back seat of an extra cab pickup truck is not really my idea of fun. I tried to sleep as much as I could but between the stupid audio book my A and R were listening to and the thought of crashing it was a little rough. Can you believe there was not even a dog in the whole audio book.

At one point on the trip we went over the Chesapeake Bay Tunnel Bridge. As we were going over the bridge I sat up and started staring out the windows. My A though I was enthralled by the view of water on all sides. Unfortunately I was scared to death, my A is not really that good a driver, and I figured if I was going to plummet over the side of the bridge and into the water I wanted as much warning as I could get. Thankfully we made it across without incident.

Send me you address and I will send down an autographed photo of myself for the postie wall of fame. I have never been on a wall of fame before. Do I get a plaque? My picture is hanging up at day care but I don’t think it is the same.

If you could send me an autographed photo of Ted and yourself, that would be awesome. I am trying to build up my credibility as I continue to looks for jobs that will hire dogs. The autographed photos go a long way towards establishing my credibility. It is sad but we dogs are very discriminated against in the work place which is why I have such respect for Ted. Ted has never limited my earning potential because I am a dog. The man gave me an opportunity and I am just trying to make the most of it. Thanks Ted you are definitely not the most Evil guy in the room.

As far as SB^3 goes both you and Ted are definitely invited. The date is still being worked on but I am thinking the end of July. I see that news of SB^3 has not reached Florida. Well SB^3 (Stephen’s Blowout Birthday Bash) is my annual birthday party. I was really born in April but my A says it is too cold in April to have a ton of dogs in the house. Last year was awesome we had like 30 people and 6 dogs. This year is going to be even better I am working on getting on of those inflatable jumpies and maybe a slushie machine. It will definitely be a good time you should come if you can make it. I will even get a cake for Ted to plow.

I still don’t understand the cake plow however as a business dog I have an idea. Obviously Ted likes to do these cake plow things and they make quite a mess and are difficult to clean up after. I am sure it is not fun to run around with Cake on your face for too long. I would be willing to help people clean their faces after cake plows. For $10/face I will lick all the cake off person’s face as well as make sure that none of their hair sticks up. I have been making sure my A’s hair does not stick up for a couple years now and he has never gone to work with his hair sticking up. Sure he is almost bald but that is not my fault.

Hope you can attend SB^3 and please consider me for you all you post cake plow face cleaning needs.

Stephen

P.S. Please don’t forget to send me the autographed photo

Ted Murphy Responds

2008-05-21T12:22:00.001-05:00

Stephen,

Ted is out for a walk right now, I am on his computer checking out doggy condos. The real estate market is pretty good for buyers right now, I see you have a nice pad of your own. I'm happy to hear that things are going well with PayPerPost, I know Ted loves to hear stories like this. From one dog to another I can tell you there just aren't enough jobs out there for prolific canines.

Thanks for the invite to SB^3... I just have no idea what that is. Can you tell me more? Either way I am sure Ted would love an autographed picture for the great wall of Posties. Have a great weekend and drink plenty of water!

Later Tater,

Bonzo

Dear Ted

2008-05-16T14:56:00.001-05:00

Stephen TheDog
17 barking RD
Barkton Wf 13243
May 15,2008

Dear Mr. Murphy,

My name is Stephen and I am 3 year old Golden retriever poodle cross. What that means is my Mom was a Golden Retrieved and my Dad was a Poodle. Some people refer to my kind as a Goldendoodle but I personally don’t like that term it seems kind of wussy to me. People don’t have nightmares about being attacked by Goldendoodles.

At this point I am sure you are wondering why the heck am I getting a letter from a dog? Well I am writing to thank you. You see as a dog it is difficult to find work. In my three years I have accomplished many things; I have taken graduate class in obedience, done some agility work and even become a canine good citizen. However even with all these accomplishments I have still be unable to find meaningful work.

I am sure as a serial entrepreneur you understand that money is needed to finance your dreams. Currently I have several great ideas in the works. I have been doing some weather work with the City of Detroit and I have almost finalized my “Nut Silo” if I could just got those damn squirrels to pay attention to the presentation. Anyway as the number one dog ODD’er (Online Digital Diary I hate the term blog) on the planet I have been able to use payperpost to generate some funds. Unfortunately most of this money has gone to pay off the seatbelt incident but that is a story for another time.

I do really appreciate the opportunity to make some money. I am excited that your companies allow dogs the opportunity to be productive members of society. While most dogs are not into the Goth lifestyle we definitely know how to write reviews of Goth Dating sites. So many people look down on dogs and not just because we walk on all fours. Can you believe I have even been told I am not allowed in a national forest because I might upset the wildlife. What is the deal with that? I am sure the guy in the orange vest with the Winchester 30-06 is much more upsetting than a well behaved dog walking calmly on his leash.

I have recently heard you called the most evil guy in the room. Ted I must tell you I see no evil in you and we dogs are good judges of character. You are a capitalist there is nothing wrong with making money. Do I firmly believe in “Nut Silo” yes but only as a product I don’t think huge Silo’s of nuts will help the Squirrels in the long run, it will only create a generation or fat lazy squirrels with crappy long term memory. However I know I can make money with this idea so what does it not matter. I am not evil for taking an opportunity and trying to make money and neither are you.

Well I just wanted to take the opportunity to thank you. I am having my birthday path in a month or so. My A (that is the guy who buys my kibble) has not given me the date yet so I am not exactly sure when it will be. I would like to invite you to SB^3 II it would be great if you can make it. SB^3 was a blast last year and SB^3 II can only be better. I would love to have Drew take a picture of you and I together. I understand if you are busy so if you can’t make it that is ok but if you can’t make it could you send me an autographed picture?

Thanks

Stephen
Stephen(at)stephenthedog.com
http://www.Stephenthedog.com

P.S. What is the deal with the cake plows? Seems like it would just get my fur all sticky.

Annoying

2008-05-13T14:58:00.002-05:00

Yesterday my A decided to teach me a lesson. You see I was playing this game where I would see how many times in an hour I could come inside and go back outside. I would go to the door and say “I want to come in” then my A would come and let me in. Once he resumed what he was doing I would go over to him and say “I want to go outside” and he would get up and let me out. I just kept doing this over and over again. It was so much fun plus it is good exercise for my A. I want to keep him in shape so he can take me for walks

Well it turns out my A thought this was annoying and proceeded to give me a lecture on the definition of annoying. The lecture was bad enough but did he really need to stick me on the porch for an hour and make me listen to John Tesh albums to illustrate his point. I know have a firm understand of annoying so I guess it worked. I think the John Tesh was a little much though doesn’t he realize I can hear 10 times better than he can which would John Tesh experience would be 10 times worse than his. Sometimes I wish my A had a little more compassion. He is probably just tired though.

Recently my A has not been sleeping very well. I find this amusing because he falls asleep on the couch and I can lick his head. I am not really sure why I like doing this but it is fun. I am trying to get all the hair off the top of his head and let me tell you I am making progress. When my A is tired he also tends to forget that he has feed me so sometimes I can get him to feed me dinner twice. This is awesome! The only thing better than a bowl of kibble for dinner, is two bowls of kibble for dinner.

I really don’t know why my A is not sleeping well. I try to help him out the best I can. In fact, lately I have been throwing on my David Hasselhoff album as soon as he falls asleep. If he can not sleep to the sweet melodic voice of a gifted performed like David Hasselhoff I don’t know what else I can do to help him. The only other option I can think of is to get a fan and cram air down his throat while he sleeps but that just seems silly. Hopefully he gets a good night sleep tonight so he can drive me to day care tomorrow.

Joey's Birthday Recap

2008-05-07T15:24:00.001-05:00

Whew I am finally recovered from Joey’s birthday. Man what a night. We both got out around 1:30, it took me a little longer than expected to knock out the invisible fence.

Once we were out we headed over to Mr. Mailbox’s. Joey pooped on the porch 1st while I played lookout it was his birthday so it’s only fair that he go first. After I pooped on the porch we rang the bell and ran to hide in the bushes. Mr. Mailbox can out in these silly pink bunny pajamas and some green frog slippers. Boy do I wish I never saw that. The image is still burned in my brain. It was so funny to watch him looking around and not see anyone. Once he went back inside we took some mail and shredded it in his yard.

The Postal carrier agreed to give us some of his mail. She knows he is crazy so she helped up out. Having Fort Knox for a mailbox doesn’t help buddy if the guy delivering the gold is willing to sell you out. I am sure there is a life lesson in there somewhere.

After Mr. Mailbox’s we meet up with Clyde and Fenway to hit the swamp. If you ever are going to a swamp be sure to take Fenway that dog knows how to get dirt. I drank a ton of swamp water, man that stuff is good for some reason I am always thirsty. We even had time to chase some frogs. Joey was lucky enough to catch one but we could not decide what to do with it so we let it go.

After the swamp we were all covered with mud so we hit Fenway’s pool for a quick swim. It was tough getting the ladder down but Clyde was able to jump up and grab it with his teeth on only the 3rd try. Hopefully Fenway won’t get into too much trouble for the pool brown. Maybe Fenway’s C won’t even notice.

It was a really long but fun night. I think Joeys had fun. We all got him some pretty sweet presents. I got him a Nintendo DS with some of my internet money.

Happy Birthday Joey!!!!!

2008-05-05T13:42:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was my Pal Joey’s birthday. Happy Birthday Joey!

Truthfully I did not realize it was his birthday until Joey’s R told my A last night. That Joey is so modest. Perhaps if I knew I would not have played as rough and limited my biting off of his face. Nah who am I kidding Joey likes it when I pull him around the yard by his face.

I have big plans for celebrating Joey’s birthday. We are going to go out and run around town tonight. I have it all planned out. I am going to start the shower in my A’s bathroom at 1am, once there is enough steam it will blow the GFI outlet connected to the fan in there. Coincidentally my invisible fence is on the breaker so once the GFI pops I am making a run for Joey’s.

Joey has already disabled his fence. I don’t know how he did it but it has been down for a few months. He keeps flaunting it by coming out to the street to greet me when I walk by. I keep telling him not to make it so obvious or his R will fix the fence. He is just so proud of himself though.

Once we are out tonight we are going to Lucie’s to swim in her pool for a while. Then we are off to take giant poops on Mr. Mailbox’s front porch. Yes it is juvenile but who cares it is Joey’s birthday. After that we are going to go drink out of the swamp for a while. Man I love swamp water. From there who knows. We need to be home by 7am when my R gets up but beyond that we will do whatever Joey wants. I have a bone buried in the back of Sparky’s house I am going to show Joey where it is. I am hoping to make it out of the house with a box of my A’s Omaha steaks. I will probably get in trouble for that one but Joey is my best pal so it is worth it. Your best pal only has a birthday once a year so you have to make it count.

Speaking of Birthday’s SB^3 II is fast approaching. Stay tuned for details. You don’t want to miss SB^3 II.

Come on now

2008-05-02T15:31:00.001-05:00

As the number on Dog ODDer in the country there is a disturbing trend I need to tell you about. Paid Keyword Blogging
Have you ever been reading a Blog and realize you are getting interesting in what you are reading. You being to focus then all of a sudden the blog goes off on a tangent and the next thing you know there is a hyperlink in there to some site selling gas grills or such.

I find this annoying I start to sympathize with these people and care about what they have to say then bang they try to sell me something. Come on you can’t make up a story about how said it was when you cat died and use it to sell kitty litter. Have some respect.

Sure my ODD (online digital diary) has some ads in it. I call it an ODD because blog is such a stupid term and I don’t want to be labeled a blogger. However when I sell out I make it obvious. Sure I am black but do you really think I know the best dating site for African Americans? I couldn’t case less, I don’t date but I did enjoy the $5 I got for writing that. I am a dog I need money and there are not many good paying dog jobs out there. So from time to time I need to sell out. If an advertiser is dumb enough to pay a dog to write for him then so be it. I will take the money.

I make this pledge to you if I am writing an ad you will know it is an add. Ever you Jimmie63 will be able to tell. I know all the time you have spent in you Mom’s basement searching the internet for Porn and taking whippets makes you a little slow but even you will know when I am writing an ad. Don’t worry I will not trick you into buying an epi-lady or a pocket fisherman.

Come on you bloggers how dumb do you think we are. If I read an entry which has no links and all of a sudden there is a link to some lame site selling sneakers I am not going to buy sneakers and I am pretty sure you did not. Sure advertisers are pumping money into your pockets, but is it worth it? What is your sole worth to you $5? $10? $15? I am not saying I would never sell out but I am sure as heck not going to sell out for $5. Come I can and do steal at least $5 per week out of my A’s wallet. He should really stop leaving it on the table.

If you are going to write an ad write an ad don’t write a story and just dump in a key word. I no longer want to hear about how you went to the store with your best friend Jenny to get new pants because Jenny was sad about losing her pet salamander but instead of going to the store you ended up a buying a waffle iron It is just annoying. It makes me wonder if Jenny really lost her salamander. It is so sad to realize that Jenny probably never even had a salamander. Worse yet she probably does not like salamanders. Is there even a Jenny? JENNY!!

I pride myself on my ODD. I love and nurture it in the hopes it will grow to the point that eventually I will be able to crush all the idiotic sheep running around the internet. Take a stance people . Stand up, don’t be sheep, be yourself write what you want. I probably don’t want to read it anyway but at least you will be original while serving me burgers on my way to a ski trip.

Spring

2008-05-02T13:59:00.003-05:00

Well spring is here. I guess that is a good thing my A takes me for more walks when the weather is nice. It is so fun to get outside and be able to run around and not have to worry about snow sticking to my fur. Let me tell you I can get covered in snow. When I run around outside the stuff just freezes to my coat and there is not good way to get it off. Sometimes my A will give me a bath but most often I get to spend alone time on the porch.

The only problem with the warmer months is it makes is difficult for me to train. As you all know I am trying to make the 2010 US Olympic Bobsled team. I don’t want to just make the team I want to win a gold medal. I have been watching Cool Runnings a lot lately and have gotten a few good ideas about how to train during the summer. Too bad John Candy is dead I think he would have been a great resource me for. He sure seemed to know a lot about bobsledding

I have also been watching the Rocky movies. I asked my A the other day if we could get a chicken and start taking weekly trips to the local meat packing plant. He told me no. This guy just does not seem to want to support my Olympic dreams. I only have 2 years to train and he can’t even get me a chicken! Come on how much can a chicken cost. I can get a whole chicken, fried, placed in a box with some corn and mashed potatoes, delivered to me by some minimum wage pimple faced punk for less than $7. How much could a live unprocessed chicken cost? It is kind of a sad commentary on the value of your life if you happen to be a chicken.

Hopefully my A will have a change of heart and get me a chicken. Well I need to get back to my training. That is why I buy all my jewelry at Mia Bella Roba
Mia Bella Roba

Stephenthedog.com

2008-05-01T15:16:00.002-05:00

Guess what?

I got my own domain. That is right I now own stephenthedog.com
I figured I needed a more professional touch. It will probably take me forever to move over.

However you can now go to stephenthedog.com and you will be redirected here. That is so much easier to remember than stepehenthedog.blogspot.com. You can also send me email my new address is Stephen (at) stephenthedog.com

I hope you appreciate this effort I have made on your behalf. There is a reason I have the #1 dog ODD in the world.

Thanks

Stephen GDE

Welcome Home

2008-04-28T20:30:00.003-05:00

As you all know last week was April Vacation from school. Unfortunately I don’t go to school and both my A and R work so it was the same old routine here. You know how it goes get up, eat breakfast, sleep, enjoy alone time, write some letters. Not very exciting.

The people across the street from me did go away for the week. Normally this would be sad because they are fun to play with. A couple of weeks ago they got a new swing set. It is a really cool wooden one from creative play things with a slide, and even a plank with a rope you can climb up. It is super cool. The slide is really fast.

Well I figured since no one was home I better get over there and make sure no one was staking out the place trying to steal the swing set. There has been a rash of swing set thefts lately and I did not want it to happen in my neighborhood.

I spent a lot of time over there watching the swing set. As you know being a dog I have trouble making money so I figure I will just send them a bill when they get back. For 80hrs of guard dog duty I am going to ask $65 that seems more than fair. I would charge more but I will admit that I played on the swing set a little bit while I was over there. Wow that slide is fast.

E your swing set is safe and sound in your back yard please make the check payable to “Stephen the Dog guard dog services LLC”. I formed the LLC to protect myself legally I am a dog but I am not going to lose my house. My A always says “Don’t you dare refinance your car and if you are going to do business make sure you form an LLC”
Words of wisdom from a guy who is obsessed with fetch. My A is really smart but I don’t understand the fascination with the game of fetch, I just don’t get it.

I can’t wait until some more of my neighbors go on vacation. There is a motorcycle that needs guarding and Sparky’s refrigerator is always full of food that would definitely be a target for robbers.

Trip to Detroit Where to stay

2008-04-27T19:33:00.001-05:00

Stephen the Dog
14 Bark Drive
BoneTown PA 13458

April 27, 2008

Guest Services
Hyatt Regency Dearborn
600 Town Center Drive,
Dearborn, Michigan, USA 48126-2793
Tel: +1 313 593 1234 Fax: +1 313 593 3366

Dear Wonderful folks at Hyatt,

My name is Stephen I am a 3 year old golden retriever/Poodle cross. That is right I am a dog fortunately I am a very well behaved dog. I am even a certified canine good citizen, I can provide the certificate if you like.

Anyway I am looking to come to the Detroit area to conduct some weather experiments. I have been corresponding with Mayor Kilpatrick about these experiments. He has been very good about encouraging me to do my experiments in the Detroit area. In fact I have yet to hear a negative work from him. You guys in Detroit as lucky to have Mayor who encourages experimentation. Don’t worry I don’t want to do any experiments in your hotel. I have already done all my experiments on a micro scale and am looking to come to Detroit to do some full scale experiments.

While I am in the area I would like to stay at your fine hotel. I asked my R, that is the lady who feeds me, what the best hotel was and she said “The Hyatt of course”. I love the fact that you guys not only leave a mint on the pillow but provide a complementary milkshake bar in the lobby. Man I love milkshakes.

I travel with my own bed, it is a nice round dog bed from L.L. Bean and it is very comfortable. Since I will be bringing my own bed I will not need the sheets in my room changed. I will be fine with the same sheets all week. I know that you can save millions of gallons of water by not washing sheets and I want to help the planet.

When I check in I will go to the front desk and check in with my people. However after I originally check in I would like to use the back stairs for the rest of my stay. I am a very lovable dog and people are always stopping to pet me. Usually I love the attention but on this trip it is all about the weather experiments so I need to stay focused. I am sure you can understand as you probably deal with many celebrities. I would be willing to sign autographs on Saturday night after dinner, perhaps by the pool. You do allow dogs in your pool right? I ran into some issues at the Hilton apparently they think dogs should not be in the pool. Don’t worry I always take a shower before I swim and I don’t shed.

Do you have any availability the in July? My schedule is pretty open but I do need to get this trip in before the end of the summer. Please let me know what week works best for you. I would prefer a suite but a single room would work if that is all you have. I would like to check in on a Saturday night and check out the next Sunday.

I look am looking forward to staying at the Hyatt and meeting your world class staff. While my experiments will be occurring downtown your staff is certainly welcome to observe.

Thanks

Stephen The Dog

Dog Policy Letter

2008-04-23T15:47:00.002-05:00

Stephen the Dog
27 Bark Rd

April 23, 2008

Michael S. Dixon, Visitor Services Manager
Eastern Massachusetts NWR Complex
Ph: (978)-443-4661 x 34
Michael_Dixon@fws.gov

Re: Dogs

Dear Mr Dixon,

My name is Stephen and I am a 3 year old Poodle Golden retriever cross. I am a dog and as a dog I have some concerns about the Dog Policy in the Eastern Mass National Wildlife Refuge Complex.

First let me start by telling you a little about myself. I am a very nice dog, I don’t chase animals unless you count Salem the neighborhood cat she calls me names so that doesn’t count, right? . I am a certified canine good citizen. I have taken multiple obedience classes and everyone says I am very well behaved.

I would like to come and visit the wildlife refuge. I would be willing to stay on my leash and even wear a prong collar the whole time I am there. I will even put on my prong collar and leash before we drive into your parking lot.

I have read you Dog Policy dated July 1, 2005 which prohibits dogs from the refuge. However I promise I will
• Not compromise public safety
• Not Have any conflicts with out refuge visitors
• Not pose a threat of harassment, disturbance and harm to wildlife

I understand that you want to protect the wildlife in the refuge. However the primary purpose of the refuge is nature walks, wildlife observation, photography, fishing and hunting. Doesn’t hunting pose a significant threat of harassment, disturbance of harm to wildlife? I am just saying if I was say a deer I would be more disturbed by bullets whipping past my ear than a well behaved dog walking on a path.

I am aware that wildlife can not tell the difference between a leashed dog and a non leashed dog. This is probably good since wildlife are by definition wild. They should stay clear of both humans and dogs. Thus a default assumption of all dogs are not on leash makes sense for wildlife. The argument makes no sense if a dog attached to a human should it be of less of a concern to a fox? I believe you humans kill far more things than we dogs do. I would say a leashed dog is far more dangerous because it come with a human. A human without a dog would seem to me to be far more dangerous at least you know a human with a dog likes animals.

You policy also stated a concern for Dog feces. I will happily have my A pick up my poop he does this anyway. Why do deer get to poop where they want but when a dog does it people complain? The refuge suggests people wear boots because the trails are muddy is dog poop really that much worse than mud? I realized there are some irresponsible owners out there however mine are very responsible. I see the poop argument as a non issue. I have my pooped picked up. I even have a bumper sticker for my truck that says “I make my owner pick up my poop”

I would really love to visit. I understand you are going to say no and that is ok. However please consider this one thought. Which has a larger impact on the environment and wildlife a dog or a man? All those people walking around mess up nature far worse than I would. I guarantee I am not going to leave twinkie wrappers or beer bottles in the woods. Next thing you know they will be blaming global warming on us dogs.

The world is so unfair. I can’t get a job because I am a dog. I can’t drive a car legally because I am a dog and now I can’t walk in the woods because I am a dog. What is left for me?

You policy is obviously the response to bad dog owners but why take it out on the dogs we always get the short end of the stick. Just ask any English Bull Terrier what bad owners can do.

I wish you would reconsider your dog policy. I would be happy to help in anyway I can. I am attaching a photograph of myself so you can get a feel for how ferocious I am.

Do you allow cats in the wildlife refuge.? I don’t see a cat policy. If I dress up like a cat can I come in and take a walk? What about rabbits do you have a rabbit policy? Why are you singling dogs out? I bet you at 24-45% of the rabbit owners out there do not keep their rabbits on leashes.

Thanks for you time. I look forward to hearing from you.

Stephen

P.S. would it be possible to at least get an autographed photo or a postcard from the refuge

Hyper MIling?

2008-04-22T10:24:00.002-05:00

As we all know gas prices are shooting way up. Man is that stuff expensive. However I am not going to complain about it, nope not me. I don’t want to become another victim of big oil and find myself in a bag full of wet cats somewhere in the east river. We all know what happened to that lady who figured out how to run a car on water.

Today I want to talk about the trend of hypermiling. Hypermilers believe that if you drive carefully you can get 30-50% better gas mileage. While this may be true if you typically accelerate to 120mph between stop lights and then slam on your brakes and skid to a stop, is it not likely. As a dog I love the car but sudden stops tend to slam my head into the windshield and I fall off the seat. I don’t enjoy that.

The problem is now that the media is all over gas prices we are seeing stories about these people who are driving to get the best possible gas mileage out of their cars. People better gas mileage is good but you can take it too far. Coasting for 2 miles into a red light or driving 20mph under the speed limit will save gas. Going 0-30 in 5 mins will also save gas. However all the money you save on gas will end up going to auto body repair.

The best example of hypermilers is perhaps old ladies in Buicks. We have all seen the white hair sticking over the steering wheel of the car slowly meandering along without a care in the world. These people really know how to get the best mileage. Ever wonder why the crouch down so low behind the wheel. Wind resistance my friend. Why do they tend to swerve back and forth across the lane? They are just following the topographic contours on the road so that they can go downhill as much as possible. Sure it is going to take granny 3 hours to get to the store but she is going to get 30% better gas mileage than you.

For Granny this is all good. We cut old people a lot of slack because they are nice and make cookies and give out dog treats. However with gas prices so high more and more people are starting to drive like granny and that is not good. Although you may love Grannies cookies I am pretty sure you don’t want to drive behind her. Think about spending your entire commute stuck behind a huge pack of old people.

I suggest moderation. The way to tell if you are driving properly is to let yours dog help you. That’s right among other things we know the best way to drive. Put you dog in the front seat and start driving. If you dog keeps falling off the seat and hitting with windshield you are stopping and starting to quickly smooth out that acceleration and save some gas. If your dog jumps out of the car window you are driving to slow speed it up. If you dog has his head out the window with his tongue hanging out you are doing all right keep it up. If for some reason you don’t have a dog get off the road and go get a dog there is no way you can live a full and happy life without a dog. Even if you think you are happy you are just kidding yourself and no you can no substitute your cat for a dog. There is simply no reason to own a cat other. The only thing cats are good for is chasing.

Stephen the Dog 1 Corporate Fat Cats 0

2008-04-09T15:15:00.002-05:00

Stephen the Dog has won. That is right I went up against the forces of evil and I won. I am of course referring to the San Disk rebate offer. After about 20 hours of mindless hold music someone finally answered. There were able to look into my rebate submission and it appeared to be fine.

There was no explanation as to why it was originally rejected. Hmm maybe you did not realize you were up against a dog with free time. Score one for the good guys. Now I have to figure out what to spend my rebate on. I am thinking I should get a pet bunny to chase around the house.

It has been a pretty quiet week so far. Tomorrow I get a hair cut. I think I am going to ask for a big S shaved in my chest. That would be so cool. I don’t know if my A will go for it he is kind of conservative. I think it would looks awesome though. Maybe I can sell advertising space on my body. I do walk a lot and the goth dating ad revenue has kind of dried up.

If you would like to have a message shaved into my fur send me an email. For $300/side I will wear your message till it grows out. Please no obscenities, and no Dr. Phil I am not going to advertise for useless hour you call a show. Putting people on TV and giving pop psychology answers to serious issues is like giving a lollipop to a kid with a cavity. Sure it might distract them for a bit but in the long run it makes the problem worse.

Hey does anyone know what Dr. Phil’s 1st name is? I bet it is something weird like Chris. Dr. Chris Phil. Silly I guess maybe it is Phil but only an idiot would use the title of Doctor with their first name. You are, either being informal, and using a first name which would mean no titles or you are being formal and should use the title last name format.

I certainly don’t got but GDE Stephen.

My A needs to trust people more

2008-04-04T12:35:00.002-05:00

It has been a while since I have posted anything here. Sorry I know there are a ton of you people who live for nothing more that to hear my words of wisdom and insights on the world. Sorry I have been having trouble finding the time to write and My A and R went on vacation.

They have been back a few days and I have been working hard to ignore my A as much as possible. How can that guy go away for a week and leave me. Come on I am super cute. I wonder if he plays fetch with another dog when he goes away. Maybe if I played fetch he might not leave. I guess I will never know since I can’t bring myself to play fetch is it just such a stupid game.

I would have let you all know I was going away on vacation but my A would not let me. He says the internet is full of freaks and weirdoes and we don’t need to be telling everyone the house on 22 bark street will be empty for the week. Come on these people are too interested in Goth dating to get out of their houses never mind come over to mine and steal stuff. My bones are buried too well any way.

My A needs to trust people more. In an effort to help him with this I am going perform the following demonstration.

I am going to post my A’s social security number and prove that all you people are nice and no one is going to steal his identity. OK my A’s social security number is 033-47-2214. I remember it cause I had to use to get that home equity loan I am using to finance “NUT Silo II” Good thing my A does not really read things too much or I might be in trouble for doing that.

Anyway this should go a long way towards showing my A how safe the internet really is.
After a month when My A’s identity has not been stolen perhaps he will realize that the internet is a safe community to meet people and exchange ideas instead of a cesspool filled with freaks and pedophiles.

Rebate oh I will get my rebate or 33.3 hrs worth of free hold Music

2008-03-13T15:49:00.001-05:00

Dear SanDisk,

Hi my name is Stephen I am an almost 3yr old GoldenDoodle. That is a cross between a poodle and a golden retriever. I am super smart and I don’t shed what more could you ask for? Maybe a less lame sounding name I am thinking Velocadog would be kind of cool.

At this point I am sure you are thinking why are we getting mail from a dog? We make memory devices what is it a dog a dog want with us? It is not like we make tennis balls or sausages. Well here is the thing. My A and R, those are the people that feed, me they are very nice, recently got a new camera. They take a ton of pictures of me I am pretty photogenic. Check out the enclosed photo if you don’t believe me I even signed it.

Well my A bought one of your Extreme III 8GB memory cards you know the ones with the mail in rebate. On the surface this is an awesome deal. So my A cuts out the original UPC code, fills out the form and sends it in. Sweet we are all set rebate coming in 4-6 weeks. Well unfortunately we got a card in the mail yesterday saying our rebate submission was missing the original UPC code.

Now I know the whole idea behind rebates is that you expect 80% or more of people to be too lazy to fill out the forms and send them in. That is fine I have no problem with you taking advantage of the lazy or stupid outer there. Believe me there are lot of those people. At least you are not trying to patent the stupidity of the American public like Bank of America. Business is Business and I can understand that. My problem is that we sent in the UPC code, I know because we still have the box with a hole cut in it where the UPC code was. Since we had to mail the original and you say you never got it we are kind of at a stand still. I have tried to call the number listed 1-888-701-7637 to discuss this with someone but no one answers. So what am I to do?

I would like the rebate check but I can not produce an original UPC code because it was in the envelope I sent to you. Maybe when you opened the envelope you lost the UPC code. I don’t know and I don’t want to blame anyone we dogs are not about blame but I know I sent it. I doubt this was intentional on your part because that would really evil like Walmart evil. Do you know part of Walmart’s business plan it to pay their employees so little that they are forced to shop at Walmart. Thus Walmart is effectively paying its employees in goods. I am sure SanDisk is not evil in fact you guys make a really great product which I highly recommend.

At this point I have feel that I am owed the rebate which I believe is $40. I am sending you this letter and will continue to try and contact your people to get this resolved. I pledge to keep calling until I get this resolved. The way I figure it I am home all day and I have access to a phone so I have no reason not to call and be put on hold. You have an 800 number. How much does that 800 number cost you per min? Let’s be conservative and figure it at $.02/min that means if I am only hold for 33.3 hours it costs you $40.
I figure since my A and R go to work for 8 hours a day I can be on hold for 8 hours a day which would cost you $9.60 per day at my conservative $.02 per min. I pledge to continue to call and sit on hold until someone talks to me or I get the rebate. Remember I am a dog and I have free time. I also have excellent hearing so I can put you on hold and as long as I am in my yard I can still hear the hold music. “da da dum deed de dad a de ad” The music is pretty soothing a little repetitive but I could definitely take naps to it.

“da da dum deed de dad a de ad”
Please send me my rebate check as soon as possible. I really don’t want to have to call every day but there is a principle involved here. I will not be silenced. “da da dum deed de dad a de ad”

Seems to me like there is an easy fix to this situation, SEND THE DOG A CHECK !!!. It is that simple. I will not even bother to mention how insane it is to have an 800 number that no one answers. “da da dum deed de dad a de ad” “da da dum deed de dad a de ad”

If you could include and autographed picture along with my rebate check that would be great. If not no big deal I will be happy to stop calling once the rebate check comes in.
Hope to hear from you soon I am off to make a call.

Stephen “I am no Quitter” The Dog

1-800-flowers or 1-800-alonetime

2008-03-08T16:17:00.004-05:00

Dear Mr. McCann,

I recently received you mailing congratulation me on my 1st order from 1800flowers. I really appreciate your following up on the order and the 15% coupon for savings on my next order. Unfortunately I am not sure there will be a next order.

Let me explain. You see I am a dog, up a real honest to goodness dog, Canis familiaris, man’s best friend. My Mom was a golden retriever and my dad was a black standard poodle. I never meet my Dad and shortly after I was born my Mom left fortunately when I was 9 weeks old I was adopted by my A and R. Those are the people who feed me and take me to my Doggie daycare. I really like them mostly because they feed me.

Sorry I am getting off track here. We dogs aren’t really known for out attention spans so you will need to indulge me a little bit. Anyway as a dog I don’t have a job and spend a lot of time at home. I am not a slacker, I have been looking for a job and I also have been making money on the internet. I have the #1 rated Dog blog. I am pretty proud of myself.

Last week I was home alone and got a little bored. I am sure you have been bored, well for a dog it is worse than you can imagine, I don’t have opposable thumbs so I can’t go outside. Well the boredom got to me and I started looking for things to do. I grabbed a drink of water, stared out the window for a while and even barked at a squirrel but none of this helped. None of this worked so, I went into the other room and found ball of yarn. Yarn is so much fun you can chew it and tie it in knots. Well I started playing with the yarn and kind of got carried away. Yes it happens sometimes we dogs lack impulse control. I ended up chewing up the sweater my R was working on. Once I came to my senses I realized I was in big trouble.

In an effort to get into my R’s good graces and prevent some serious alone time I decided to send her some flowers at work. Flowers at work are worth big points with the ladies. I am sure as the CEO of a flower delivery company you are well aware of this fact. I picked out a nice tulip arrangement placed my order and breathed a deep sigh of relief knowing that 1-800-flowers was going to make it all better. After placing my order and getting my confirmation I was even able to squeeze in a nap. I was so glad you guys where there and able to make things better.

Unfortunately my faith in 1-800-flowers was misplaced. It turns out that the local florist you contracted to do the delivery decided to call my R at work. (you have give the number of the recipient) This in and of itself is not such a horrible thing, maybe he was lost and needed directions, it ruins the surprise but things happen. Unfortunately this was not the case, nope he was calling to say “Hi Stephen ordered you some flowers and I know how to get to your office but we may not be able to get there today.” Basically even though Stephen ordered flowers with a delivery for today we are not going to be able to deliver them today. I am sorry but not only does that ruin the surprise but well it just sucks. That is like telling a 3 year “I bought you an ice cream but you are not going to get it today” Sorry but it does not work for 3 year olds and it does not work for women. I am sure you understand this. Basically your local delivery guy totally messed this up. I would really have not placed the order than have had this guy call to say he was not going to be delivering flowers.

My R called my A to tell him know about the local delivery guy’s call and my A then called your offices. Basically 1-800-flowers gave us a lot of lip service and said you guys don’t control the local delivery guys. I am sorry but this is unacceptable. I paid for a service I should not have to hound people to get the service I paid for, no one should be calling my R to tell her she is not getting flowers today. Really just call me you have my info and tell me I am sorry that you can’t do the delivery today. I would be ok with that. They local guy calling my R cost me huge points. The fact the 1-800-flowers says they are not responsible for the local delivery guy, a direct quote from Beth I might add, is complete crap. You are responsible for the vendors you hire to fulfill your service. I did not hire the local guy I hired 1-800-flower and you decided to subcontract. You are responsible and I expect you and all your contracts to act in a thoughtful professional manner. I feel that my order was not handled in a thoughtful or professional manner. For this reason I probably will not use 1-800-flowers again.

When you send flowers to women at work you expect big points. When I sent flowers with 1-800-flowers your deliver lost me points and only accentuated the fact that I had done something bad and was trying to manipulate my way out of it. Sure I chewed the sweater but I was sorry and tried to make it better and you people messed up my attempt at redemption. If the flower deliver people can’t figure out how to handle redemption I weep for the prison systems.

As a CEO I am sure you are very busy. I would be willing to use 1-800-flower in the future however before I can consider doing that I will need an apology and an autographed picture.

I am willing to meet you half way and try to repair our relationship. I know it is naive but my Mom was a Golden retriever so I am full of love and forgiveness.

I look forward to hearing from you. I will assume no response means you do not want to do business with a dog.

I would recommend a prompt response since I currently have a lot of along time to research florists.

Stephen

Letter to Stop and Shop regarding milk prices

2008-03-04T14:08:00.002-05:00

Dear Stop and Shop,

It has recently been brought to my attention that you are selling 1 gallon bottles of milk for $4.79. Specifically I am referring to hood 2% milk in the light block bottle. Man that light block bottle is an innovation. What other products can I get in light block packaging? How come orange Juice is not in a light block bottle?

I know the light block bottle is a relatively new concept. Does it have anything to do with the hole in the Ozone layer? Is the light block bottle a harbinger of doom? Are we all going to get skin cancer and die because you people have allowed a giant hole to be eaten in the Ozone layer? Why are you protecting the milk from the scourge of ultraviolet radiation while we all continue to blissfully go to the beach unaware that we are doomed?

If hood has recognized this problem why aren’t we all wearing light block suits? Do you know if hood makes a light block suit for dogs? I am 75lbs golden retriever/poodle cross so I would probably need a large dog size. I have black fur which protects me some from the sun but I spend way more time outside than milk. Think about it milk is really just outside when the groceries are being brought in. That is like 5 min of sun exposure at the max and yet a light block bottle is need. I on the other hand spend hours at a time outside I am very scared I definitely need to get a light block suit. Please tell me where to get one.

Is all hood milk the same? The reason I ask is that I can get the same 1 gallon jug of hood 2% in the light block bottle at my local Hess Gas station for only $2.79. Why is that? I would expect it to be more expensive at the gas station I mean just look what they charge for soda and candy bars. Or look at how mobile is trying to get you to use speed pass to pay for stuff in their little mobile stores. Don’t kid yourself that is not about convenience it drawing attention away from what you are spending. What is the difference between 7 dollars and 11 dollars on a credit card or token? Umm nothing you scan it the same but if you have to pull the money out of your wallet you might actually notice what you are spending. Why do you think everyone loves those debit cards? Hmmm because it hides what you are really spending and make money seem like a surreal concept. Sorry all you psyche majors looking to get into marketing even a dog sees through this little ploy. However on the plus side I am sorry to say that the vast majority of America is just plain stupid. Come on people refinance their cars in this country and think it is a great thing.

How can you refinance something that depreciates to pretty much zero over 5 years? True you do get a lower monthly payment but at what cost? Maybe if you are lucky you will get a post card from your car in 15yrs when it is driving around Mexico delivering eggs and you are still paying for it.

So back to the Milk. Why is Stop and Shop 171% more expensive that the gas station? Is milk a loss leader for gas stations? I would be willing to sell you as much milk as you want for only $3/gallon just meet me at the local Hess and bring a truck. Please tell me why your milk is so much better. My Friend Drew really wants to understand this absurd price differential. I love Stop and Shop you guys have great bones. Until we figure this milk thing out I am going to have to ask my A to stop shopping there.

Thanks for you time. Would it be possible to get an autographed photo.

Stephen

Finally a chance to Donate for SPITE!!!!

2008-02-20T21:04:00.004-05:00

As you know I have a personality conflict with a guy in my neighborhood, Mr. Mailbox as I call him. If you have spent anytime here you know my A and I have had several runs with this guy. The guy is pretty much a jerk and has this issue with anyone walking along the grass in his front yard. Problem is the grass is not his it is the towns and should really be a side walk.

A bunch of people for the neighborhood, (Ok everyone but Mr. Mailbox) signed a petition to have the sidewalk finished. As you can see from the pictures there should be a sidewalk there. Mr. Mailbox has planted trees to force people to walk in the street. Maybe he like watching people dodge cars. When you walk on the grass Mr. Mailbox yells at you. It is so not fair to get yelled at for doing something that you have every right to do. I get yelled at enough for the things I should not be doing I am still recovering from the cracker incident. Lately my A and I have been walking on the other side of the street just to avoid this jerk. (Ok I said it, he is a jerk I am sorry but he is). We should be able to walk where we want as long as we are on public land and not hurting anything.

My A has contacted the town and confirmed this is public land but Mr. Mailbox refuses to acknowledge that fact.. Even when you point out to him that this is public property, he still claims it is his property and insists you should not walk there. I guess for him it is easier to be a jerk than find top spend 2 minutes talking to someone to get the facts strait. People who take a firm stance when they are clearly wrong really annoy me.

Late last year we send the following letter to the board of selectmen

/********************************************************************/
Board of Selectmen
Town of bark
bark, AA 90210
Dear Sirs:
We are writing to express concern over the current sidewalk situation on Barking Lane. There is a lack of a sidewalk in front of 19 barking Lane, although there is a sidewalk from the intersection of Barking Lane and Cat St. and from 21 Barking Lane to the end of the street. There is a gap of approximately 25ft, where there is no sidewalk although the town owns the land.
This gap in the sidewalk forces people to walk in the street posing three safety issues:
1. Like the town as a whole, Barking Lane is a family-oriented neighborhood with a high level of pedestrian traffic. Many of the families here have small children. This gap in the sidewalk makes it difficult for parents to teach street safety to their young children, as they are forced to leave the safety of the sidewalk and walk in the street.
2. Evening sees many of our families out for walks. Recent traffic enforcement by the Woofton Police department has revealed that Barking Lane is being used as a cut-through for commuters. Unfortunately, those commuting through the neighborhood are often exceeding the speed limits. Coupled with the fact that Barking lane runs east to west, this creates a dangerous situation at sunset. Further, since there is a sidewalk for much of the street, drivers are not expecting to see people in the road. In essence, this area is an auto/pedestrian accident waiting to happen.
3. Just as the evening commute is a dangerous time for families walking, children walking to their assigned bus-stops must walk in the street during busy-morning commute times. Currently there are several children from kindergarten to Middle School who live above 19 Barking Lane and get the school bus at the intersection of Barking Lane and Cat Street. These children are forced to walk into the street to cross the gap in the sidewalk. This is simply not safe. Children should be provided a safe path to get to school or the school bus-stop.
Adding a 20-30’ section of sidewalk would rectify all of these issues. Obviously we are well aware of the town’s financial constraints, but feel the safety of our children is priceless. We also believe the remedy is of minimal expense because the town already owns the land in question. In fact, we are recommending an inexpensive stop-gap measure to be implemented in the event that the sidewalk can not be extended in the near term. Currently the area where the sidewalk should be is blocked by several small trees and some large rocks. Removing these impediments and installing a gravel or sand pathway until a permanent sidewalk can be installed would be an adequate solution.
We thank you for sharing our concern in this matter.
Sincerely,
/***************************************************************

We presented this letter along with 100 signatures from residents on the street. Currently we are getting ready to go back to the board to follow up and see what we can get done. In the process of getting ready for this meeting we have gotten some rough cost estimates, from the head of the DPW. We have also determined that is it possible to donate money specifically for this project. Now I am not asking for money, at least not yet.

What I am asking for is support. If we can not get the town to fund this we may end up trying to raise the money ourselves. I am trying to get a feel for if people would be interested in donating. Hopefully it will not come to that but if it does it would be nice to know you are behind me. I know there are a ton of great causes out there but this cause is unique. How often are you given the opportunity to donate to a cause that stands up for the little guy and basically says screw you to a huge jerk. How often can you get a tax deduction for telling a huge jerk to go to heck? Hey Jimmy I just gave $5 to plow under the jackasses front lawn on 19 Barking lane. I

What I am asking today is that you let me know if you would be willing to donate if the need arises. You can donate as much or a little as you want and again I am not asking for any money today. I really just want to know if you would be possibly interested in donating for SPITE.

You don’t often get to go around and say “Hi I am taking up a collection for SPITE” I think it would be awesome if we could get people from all around the country or world to agree to give a few dollars if needed and show this guy what can happen when nice people band together against the jerks in our lives.

I would love to write a Dear Mr. Mailbox letter about how we were all able to band together and raise the money to plow under what he thinks is the first 6 feet of his front lawn.

Please let me know if you might be interested in supporting this cause. Drop me an email at stephenthedog(at)gmail.com or stick a comment on this post. Hopefully the town will step up and take care of the issue but if not it would be nice to say we have a ton of people who are ready to back this project in the event that fail.

Would you donate for SPITE?

Keep the change? No thanks

2008-02-13T16:05:00.001-05:00

Dear Bank of America,

Hi my name is Stephen and I am a dog, a 3yr old poodle golden retriever cross, to be more specific. I am sure you are thinking “I am a big important bank guy who makes money all day why am I getting a letter from a dog”

Well I have been making some money lately writing internet posts about all kinds of neat things. I wrote one about the best Goth Dating sites on the web that was worth $5. I totally sold out and wrote something about how an oil company was not polluting. Made $15 on that but did not feel real good about myself. However the way I figure it is that if someone is willing to pay me I will write about it. I put all these posts in pink so people can tell that I am getting paid for them. I also figure if some big company’s marketing plan includes having a dog write stupid posts for them then they are really in trouble. Would you take the recommendation of a dog on which pair of shoes to buy? FYI I don’t wear shoes.

I am currently looking for a place to store all my loot. Keeping it in the mattress of my dog bed is not working and burying it in the back yard is such a pain what with the ground freezing and all, so I was thinking of using a bank. I heard one of your radio commercials and was intrigued.

What is the deal with this keep the change program? Does it really work?

I believe the premise is that you round up to the nearest dollar on purchases made with you bank cards and transfer the difference to my savings account. Basically if I buy a bone for $3.29, it is a really nice buffalo leg bone, you will debit my checking account $4 and transfer $.71 to my savings account. I know I am a dog but I don’t get it how is that useful or saving me money. It seems silly to me aren’t you just moving money around in my accounts. It is not like I have to carry the change around. It is an electronic transaction if you did nothing the $.71 would still be in my checking account it would not be lost in the cushions of my couch like your commercial says. Since the wide acceptance of Debit and Credit cards that change problem as we know it has really been minimized.

How is moving money between my accounts helping me save money? I can still spend it from my savings account. I can always move it back. Let for a min say that I believe this is a good idea because it gets money into my savings account. Would it not make more sense to just move $100 a month into my savings account? Why do you want to do a ton of transactions that are less than a dollar? Is some executive at Bank Of America being comp’d on the number of transactions the bank does. It seems to me like you would not want to do such tiny transactions. Are you trying to create noise so people will forget the huge fees you charge them? Hey Betty I have all these cool transfers from my checking to savings account for less than a dollar. So many in fact I almost didn’t see the $15 month fee BOA charged me.

I also wonder how you can even state that this is patent pending. What are you patenting? The stupidity of the American public! I don’t think you can patent that. There is nothing here the whole thing seems to be a silly idea. It just seems to me that you are preying on people who are not too smart. By the way how are your sub-prime mortgages working out?

If you really want to help people save money I have several ideas I would be happy to share.

Turn your heat down to 56 in the winter. If you get cold you can get a nice sweatshirt at the Salvation Army cheap or go hang out at a friend’s house. Why should you be the one to pay for heat?

Stop buying toilet paper. Fast food restaurants will allow you to go in and grab as many napkins as you want. This is also true for condiments. You could save at least $15 a year on catsup alone never mind what you could save on ketchup.

Cut your electric bills by buying a UPS. Take the UPS with you to work and change it every morning. When you leave to go home for the day take the UPS with you. You now have free power. You can probably also drop that gym membership since you will be lugging around a big heavy UPS.

Instead of buying those silly pay per throw trash bags dump your trashing in small quantities. Gas stations, Super Markets etc all have trash cans outside as long are you dump small quantities you are fine. You can also take a certain about of trash to work. My A recommends coming in early if you are going to do this.

Don’t buy bottled water. Get one or two bottles and fill them up in any office building most have water coolers.

There are tons of things you can do to save money. Any one of these will actually save money and not just hide it from stupid people and make them think they are saving money.

As you have probably figured out I will not be depositing my bone money with your bank.

However would it be possible to get an autographed photo?

Stephen